I Love Singlishhh

i love singlish. vely funny liao.. used to talk like this before. you read ah.

Little Led Liding Hoot (Singlish ver)

Once upon a time hor, got one girl little led liding hoot. She want to go to Ah Mah's house. Morning alleady she go out one, she got take come one basket to put flower. She don wan to walk long-long so go take shot cut. Wah!!! she dono got one animal follow her one hor! She happy-happy walk until she come to Ah Mah house.

"Ah Mah! Ah Mah! I come, open the door leh?" she talk
Then Ah Mah also talk back,
"Come in lah I never close one"
Little Led Liding Hoot open the house and go inside door.....
"oh, solly solly...."
open the door and go inside the house, she got see her Ah Mah on top of the bed. She go ask Ah Mah.
"AH Mah, how come your eye vely big one hor?"
"So I can see you maahhhhh!!!" Ah Mah say back.
"Ah Mah, how come your ear vely long one?"
"So vely easy to hear you one laah!!!!"
"Ah Mah, how come......."
"Aiyaa!!!! SO many question one ah you.... never die before heh?"
"Solylah Ah Mah, I dono mah that's why I ask".
"What soly-soly! Now I want to eat you, I not Ah Mah, I animal one you know................."

Wah! Little led liding Hoot vely scared one, she scleam vely loud but late alleady, the animal alleady eat her. She now inside stomach one. Suddenly got one people, cut wood one, go inside the house. He want to save Little Led Liding Hoot, he go and cut the animal stomach and take out everything, but he too late, Little Led Liding Hoot become shit alleady............


Miss Singapore

One of the main reasons why in recent years the Singapore Government has always ensured that their Miss Universe representative were of tertiary level education or higher was because of the following incident which occurred not too many years ago. It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances;
The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified.
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LULIAN !

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: LAN CHEOW ! (you know, in hokkien, lan cheow is some kind of genital)

Judge: ?????????!!!!

Numbers

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 .

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again back to 1.

This was what he came up with...

1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I run so fast until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6 . He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1 .

Without the numbers : translation (if you dont get it)

One day I go to climb up a tree outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and fall down. The man rush out and wanted to fight with me. I run so fast until I fall sick and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a knife and try to stab him. Then God he run away. So, I put the knife back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am sick . He said fine , tomorrow also no need to come back for work. He also asks me to climb a tree and jump down. I don't understand, I so nice to him but I don't know what he wants .