At wits' end.

I'M BEING STALKED.

Like, really stalked. This guy, he added my mum, my aunt, everyone I listed in FB as family. He liked my old statuses, my old photo albums and pictures.

When I text him (inbox), he didn't want to identify himself at first. After several (really boring) texts, I found out that he 'liked' me since we were kids. And I remember him. He was someone from my past. He was the one guy who used to give me love letters, flowers, candies and whatnot. He even followed me home. Back then, we loved to walk, instead of being fetched. My house and the school were not that far. I didn't know he was following me, my girlfriends told me about him. And I told Adam of course. The day we realized that we were being followed was the day Adam and his friends became our bodyguards. They walked us home, eventhough their house were on the other direction. And we had fun. But that didn't stop the stalker, noo. I was 8-10 of age that time.

So you understand why I'm freaked out, don't you? It's 10 friggin' years! He knows where I live, which school I went and what grade I got.

His texts are so creepy.

He's convinced that I am his true love, blahblah. He sought me for 10 years and he didn't even want to be with anyone, other than me. He cried because I don't remember him. He always cries when he misses me at nights. He has pictures of me. And he wants to die because apparently, dying is easier than to be tortured by my constantly invading his thoughts.

He's either bullshitting me or he's out of his mind. If it's the former, I wish that he'd stop doing it, because I'm scared shitless. If it's the latter, I pity him.. I mean, 10 years is a long time to carry a torch for someone who didn't know you even existed. If they return the sentiment, then it's worth it. But if they don't? That 10 years of your life, you'd never get back.

I don't want to tell my brother because there's no telling what he might do to the poor guy. I've never dealt with this kind of stalker so I'm at my wits' ends.. I don't want to hurt him again, but at the same time, he terrifies me..

Champions League.

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

Will edit later. When I feel like it. :)

Oooo my Vidic is captain. <3.

-----------------------------------------

Barcelona's: Victor Valdes, Gerard Piqué, Puyol, Sergio Busquets, Xavi, Andrés Iniesta, Pedro and last but not least, David fucking Villa. And then, there's Lionel fucking Messi, who's like a god in football.

Who are they you ask? Well my friend, I present you, the Spain national squad.

How the fuck are we supposed to beat that?

=/

I'm doing nothing in class now because I'm still in mourning. SALAH! Pasal aku nyamal. Qasyah, Pipin and the rest of you, you guys suck. Whatever happens to 'kids are sweet'? Where did they disappear to? Why leave me with these kind of kids? They're vicious. Kesian kami MU group. Tapi at least kami in line wah sama Barca! Kamu apa ada? Sasak haha!

Malas ku. Malas!

Blue - Breathe Easy

One of my fav up to this day. Breathe Easy, written by Lee Ryan (and two other composer, I think.. Pssht, insignificant!).



Lee Ryan verse!

Curse me inside..
For every word that caused you to cry..
Curse me inside..
I won't forget, no I won't baby..
I don't know why...
I left the one I was looking to find..


Out of my mind..
Nothing makes sense anymore..
I want you back in my life..
That's all I'm breathing for..


Tell me whyyyy......


I can't dream yet another dream without you lying next to me, there's no air..

I was 13-14, I think.. He's my first love. He's sooo hot!

Awu damit2 sudah gatal. Shadap yuh.

Oh brother..

So I watch these TV shows right....






True Blood


Camelot


Skins


Misfits

It's rated M for.. Eh.. Hot scenes. My mum knew, and didn't say anything about it. Thing is, when my brother found out, he wiped it completely off my HDD. He went nuts about it, said that I'm not old enough blah blah blah. Said that it's a bad influence. Lololo~ Paksa download balik. -_-" Selalunyaaa I love it when he's like that.. Feels like there's someone who cares about me, but sometimes it's too much.. Well, most of the time really. I keep telling myself, he's just looking out for me. Pssshht.

EDIT!!!

to the wanker in my cbox:

if you *actually* read my blog posts, there are answers to your questions in there somewhere. Well, I have to repeat it again.

I will never get over him, because he's the first guy I've ever loved for a very long period. He will always have a place in my heart, even though it's not the first place.

And no, it's not fair for my 'suitors' as you call it, IF I tell them to wait for me. I have never, and will never tell them to. They know, and they stayed with me of their accords, AS FRIENDS.

Jackass.

Colorful bathroom. And not-so-colorful bag.

Monday:



Tuesday:



Wednesday:




Thursday:



Friday:



Saturday:



Sunday:



I have 7 shower gels and 7 shampoos. I used to have lots of Body Shop shower gels, but I stopped using since I lost interest. While smelled good, it's not colorful. Boring..

Make-up:






A small bag, a black eyeliner, a foundation, a black mascara, a concealer, a brush, a black eyeshadow, a pale lipstick, a lipgloss. I'm simple. I love M.A.C because it's black. HAHA!

Me: Mali, me kan jalan ni kebandar..
Mali: Ok.. Pakai tudung..
Me: Eh malas. Lambat sudah..
Mali: Biar masuk neraka karang. Rambut kena tunu tu.

Yeps, he's sweet.

Pointless.

I grew up not with Spice Girl's songs, not Britney's, not Metallica's, not anyone's.

Ever since I can talk, I literally memorized these songs. Even though I didn't know their titles, the lyrics were like automatically (or magically, I'm not sure) embedded into my mind.

My favorites were (and still are, until now. Not in order):

Spring - Kita Ditakdirkan Jatuh Cinta



Kau dan aku sudah ditakdirkan bertemu..
Dan tiba-tiba kita jatuh cinta..
Ini semua sudah suratan Illahi
Dan kita harus hadapi kenyataan..

Data - Nyanyian Rindu Buat Kekasih



Tiada yang lain yang ku cinta, hanyalah padamu..
Tiada yang lain yang ku rindu, hanyalah dirimu..
Tiada yang lain yang ku mahu, hanyalah kasihmu..
Tiada yang lain yang ku puja, hanyalah dirimu..

Scoin - Rindu-Rinduan Jadi Kenangan..



Sakit hati ini bagai dihiris sembilu..
Sesak nafas ini bila ku mendapat tahu..
Kasih yang ku beri tak berharga..
Sayang, kau bermain dengan silang kata..
Hingga aku benar-benar jatuh cinta..
Sayang, sesungguhnya aku btak menduga..
Engkau insan yang tak boleh ku percaya..

Exist - Dirantai Digelangi Rindu



Kerna desakkan cintaku, dirantai digelangi rindu..
Sehinggakan diri sanggup mengalah kepadamu..
Dosa mu ku anggapkan debu, bisa diterbang angin yang lalu..
Ku sedia memaafkan mu, biar aku berparut seribu..

Arrow - Niat Hati Tak Nak Berpisah



Dah lama tak berjumpa, rindu rasa hati, ingin ku bertemu denganmu..
Biarpun hati ini menyatakan benci, namun hakikat kau masih ku sayang..
Mengapa kita berjumpa.. Dan mengapa kita bercinta..
Niat hatiku nak kekal lama hidup denganmu..


Niat hatiku tak nak berpisah.. Apakan daya jodoh tiada..
Kenangan demi kenangan menjelma di ingatan..
Sukarnya melupakan dirimu..
Rintihan demi rintihan menyeksa hidupku..
Aku derita keranamu..

It's cheesy as hell, I know.. But almost all Malay songs nowadays are craps.. I rather listen to the oldies all day, than listen to crap. These are (not past tense, mind you!) actually my dad's favorite songs.. When I was very young, the army used to have karaoke competition all the time. My brother and I used to sing with him when he practices. Now my brother loves Metallica-ish genre and embarassed to admit that he knows these songs. Prick. My dad is really good at singing so he kind of swept all the trophies.

I really should be sleeping. But ehh, I'm not working later. I'm... *cough* sick... *cough*.

So I sick-leaved. :)

God forbids, I'm not really sick though. I was just *ahem* pretending to be.

Additional ramble:

Do you remember the first time you think you love someone, but you actually don't? I'm not talking about my ex here, because I was truly in love with him. No.. I was talking about the time when you're very, very young and felt some kind of attraction towards someone and wanted to be with them all the time.. Have you ever? I have. I just noticed it. He's one of my childhood friend and we're still close to this day because he's my mum's friend's son. We were practically glued to each other back then. We still are.. Now he's 24 and for the first time, he likes a girl that isn't me. I kinda stopped talking to him for a while and then that's when I remembered that he'd also stopped talking to me too when I first had a boyfriend. I'm not jealous though.. Well, maybe a little bit. I just.. I'm not used to the feeling that he now care for another girl. It's not just me anymore. I told him this and he said I'm still his number one and no one can ever change that. Blah blah blah. It settled.

It still hurts. And it still sucks. And I'm still selfish. Pfft. This is why I will never accept anymore sibling. I'm a jealous bitch. I can barely stand it if my mum's (or anyone in my family for that matter) talking to my other little cousin. I'm gonna go like, "oy bitch, she's mine. Get your own mum." Or if any of my favorite brothers talk to our other cousins. I will go nuts, thinking they don't love and/or want me anymore.

I'm not normal. I have issue. Tell me something I don't already know.

In an open relationship with 'Mal Hma.

They say 'open relationship' is another term for 'swinger'. HAHAHA! Memajal ani bida ah mali!

Sweet torture. :D

If every time he's got PE is a distraction for me, I don't know how long I can handle it here. Shoooot. He already skates, quiet, terribly shy, overly mature, and now, I know he's good at basketball too. Lethal combination for me. This is too much. AHHHHHHHH damnation! I have a major crush. =/

.
.
.

Note to self: Never introduce a boyfriend to your mum because if you ever broke up one day, no matter how good a new guy is, your ex is still the better. If your ex is a fucking reporter, even ridiculous. 

Goodness, you don't have to repeat that you still love me and that I'm currently ignoring you for being too fucking busy. Believe me, everyone fucking knows already. Everyone thinks I'm a bitch with a capital B, no thanks to you.