..care? (Scoffs) Give me a break!

CARE..

Is an outrageous word..

They claimed to care for me. They left me alone when I was down.

"I'm busy.."

"I can't speak right now.."

CARE..

Is a despicable word..

I cared for them. They threw it back to my face, like it meant nothing.

"Not your problem, stop being a nosy bitch."

"None of your bloody business."

CARE..

Is an impossible word..

They cared for me. They used it as a license to order me around.

"It's for your own good."

"You should do as I said, because I took care of you since you're in diaper."

CARE..

Is overrated.

I've known a man for four bloody years, I loved him, and for some reason, he's not good for me, and one word from you, suddenly, I had to break it off. 

I'm seeing someone for seven months, and he's nothing but kind to me, he's never pressured me even though he's madly in love with me, and just because he's acquainted with not the best people, he's toxic to me?

Go to hell.

Showing off is bad.

I wanted to show this to the mate but he's unavailable.. Mehh.. Nevermind, I just post it here then.

I was boredout of my mind the other day, so I decided to play GTA IV. Then my brother told me about this website, in GTA IV. Really cool design.

So I'm inspired.

Please click to view the original size. PRETTY PLEASE?????


Designing the logo took, maybe 1-2 hours. Replicated it on Photoshop, total 3-4 hours. I was gonna code it, but then laziness overruled.

In all honesty, I didn't really want it to be my new blog layout. I just want to show the mate that I can replicate the website. (Me showing off to him is not a shocker, actually. Happens all the time. I just want to be awesome-r than him. Boo!)

So in the end, nothing come out of it.

But still.. I just wasted 3-4 hours of my life for nothing, and I'm never gonna have it back.

What it should be.

Don't you just hate it when a heroine ends up with a wrong hero?

First, there's Fated To Love You, where Xin Yi returned to her husband Cun Xi, leaving Dylan who comforted her when she knew she was going to be divorced after her baby was born, who gave her new beginning after she miscarried and who turned her from a stupid village girl to a sophisticated career woman.

Then there's Summer's Desire, where Xia Mo ended up with her husband, who forced her into marriage in order to donate his kidney to her brother, leaving her boyfriend and old-time friend, Luo Xi, who held her when the news of her brother's collapsed reached her. She should be with Luo Xi, who had helped her in various occasions, while teaching her to grow up, unlike her husband who solve all problems by cash. Luo Xi had been considerate with her and treated her as his equal, unlike her husband who's high-fucking-handed and treated her just like he treated minion, not his wife. His wishes are everybody's commands, and defy him, you will not live to tell the tale.

Finally, there's Easy Fortune, Happy Life, where Fu An left Dong Jie to be with Da Feng. Obviously, Dong Jie, who had protected her and demands nothing in return except her love, is much better, than Da Feng who helped her because he wanted the company that worth 80 million dollars that she inherited from her grandfather. While Da Feng is being a total jerk almost all the time, Dong Jie makes her laugh every time.

You see how fucked up is that?

Yes, the hero finally changed in the end, he loved the heroine so much that it hurts yadda yadda.. It still wasn't enough. For 10 episodes straight the girl suffered and the second leading man constantly being her savior, and after one or two episodes the hero changed, the girl goes back to him and live happily ever after. My ass. What the fuck happens to the man that loved her for the first 10 episodes? Does it not count for anything? Pssssht!

If I were the writer, I'd make the girl with the first man. Maybe she will go back to the hero because she thought she loved him, but after one or two episode they're together, the girl finally came to her senses that the actual man who's worthy of her love is NOT the hero. The hero would be like,

"EH I love you so much now. I am so sorry I treated you like dirt before but I'm changed now.. Please give me another chance to prove myself!!"

He will beg on his knees, his eyes reddened and his snort dripping. And the girl would be like,

"I had given you more than once opportunity to prove yourself before and you blew it, over and over and over. I've had enough. You have buried the girl who loved you with endless dirt you yourself have been throwing to her, and she is no more. Now get out of my sight, you pathetic creature."

She will want to walk away, linking her arm with her chosen partner and smirk evilly at the hero. But the hero, who's hugging her knees, won't let go. So the chosen man, gripping the hero's elbow and slowly lowering himself until he and the hero are eye-leveled, with cold voice dripping with venom, said,

"You may want to let go of my lady, or I will break every bone in your body, slice every flesh and feed it to the dogs. And, you are not to come anywhere within a mile radius near me or my lady, or I will not be responsible to your 'accident'. Do I make myself clear?"

The chosen man's grip is already so deadly that it will leave bruises, but he tightened it more to emphasize his seriousness. The hero's face contorted, both between horror and pain, and he release the girl.

The girl and the chosen man walk, and live happily ever after.



See, that's the way it should be..



Xia Mo and Luo Xi


Han Dong Jie and Xie Fu An

Happy birthday to Jeremy!

Happy birthday to you..
Happy birthday to you..
Happy birthday to dear Jeremy..
Happy birthday to you.....

Happy birthday!!!!!!

I know you're busy as a bee these days with the exams, internship and whatnot, but you still send me at least one email at the end of the days. I have to say, it's fairly comforting to know that you haven't forgotten me yet. Thank you. :D

How fucked are you now..?

How fucked are you now..?

How fucked are you now..?

You're surely fucked now..

The Pacific version of Happy Birthday song, and a hand grenade as present.

The (not quite) quick update.

My beloved brother, he's got only 3 O's. Aww, don't be so sad.. We love you just the same. :D
And my other brother got 8 O's. Yay, congratulashon. (If you can hear my tone, it's not exactly ecstatic. Fucking brother, I hate you.)

Quick update.. Just read si mate punya blog. He seemed agitated, why, inda ku tau. I intend to find out nanti, tapi alasannya confirm "nadaaaaa." Payah kan di probe. Ntah kau. Inda ku suka hujan ani eh. Sudah tah sajuk, inda bejalan utakku. Yatah melayu saja ni. Dari mobile pulang ni ku update. Tanganku inda lagi befungsi haha! I'm applying for forum artist utk pet society punya forum. Nya mamaku inda pedah2. Cemana tah anak brunei kan pursue dreams tu mun sudah cematu atu.. *sigh

Nanti aku mau jalan ke KL sama cousinku. Sama si ret. Cousinku tu, mesti bepilih. Some "cousinku" inda bawa aku liat movie haritu. I feel left out. Inda apa kamuu.. Ada ubi ada batas.. Lain hari ku balas.. Nanti ku jalan sama cousinku yg baik saja. Yg sayang aku. Sama si ret. Ia atu inda buleh tinggal. He's more like a family than most of them so-called cousins. Bari sakit hati. Buleh kah tiime makan2 durang discuss dapan aku tapi inda bawa aku.. Inda sialan dari mana.. Time makan2 dirumahKU lagi tu. Kimax. Nanti lau ada makan2 lagi dirumahku, invite cousinku yg sayang aku tu eh. Discuss sal jalan ke England. Inda alang2. Tepirik pebaik mua durang, inda jua ku membawa. Nangis air mata darah pebaik, malaskew.. Cematu durang sama aku..

Kepalaku cam berapi2 ni ah cerita sal ani arah abg afi, ia ketawakan.. Aku inda bawa abg jua. Bukan ku becali ni. Aku banar2 ni. Mun mama sudah melapas aku jalan pakai passport, booking ticket ku tarus ni. Abg jalan sama cousin abg tu saja, jgntah peduli aku. Pfft!

Oh ret oh. Tani saja jalan nanti. Inda payah bawa durang. Sasak ku ih. Kimaxx...

You have no idea.

"Oh my god he asks you to be his girlfriend? Oh my god! So what did you say?"
"I said.. no."
"No? What do you mean, no?"
"Similar to a NO in every other dictionary."
"You're stupid."
"I am? Why? Because I said no?"
"Yeah! He's cool, he's awesome, and he obviously loves you."


That's the reaction I got ever since that damned night.

Why should I accept him, seriously, other than he's cute, cool or/and awesome? I mean, most of my guy friends are cool, awesome and/or cute. If they ask the same thing, should I accept all of them?

Love? Pfft. Let me ask you this. What do you know about LOVE, exactly? How would you know the feeling you feels is LOVE?

They said the most likely signs are:

1. Your thoughts are filled with them and what you could do to make them smile today.

2. When something good or nice happens to you, you always think of how you must share this with them, be it a funny story or a moment of your triumph.

3. You become selfless. And you start thinking more about what would be good for the other person, than what would be good for you. You take care of them and you keep looking out for them.

4. You continue to communicate openly and do not harshly judge each other. You accept each other’s faults and shortcomings.

5. There is a great deal of respect, admiration and trust for this person.

Oh.. OH! So, if I have those signs, I could be in love? So I should be their girlfriends?

Then my life would be a bloody mess, literally.

You see, sign number one, it could be my mum. I kind of think about her every time. Maybe because I'm a mummy's daughter, but still, my thoughts are filled with her. I don't ever want her to stop smiling, not if I can help it.

Sign number two could be my best friend Raiyan. If something happens, I used to call him and shriek, or cry, even if it's two in the morning. In fact, he's on my speed dial.

Sign number three could be my best friend Areef. He's like, the kindest friend I ever have, and if I see anything - or anyone, for that matter - causes him any pain, I would do everything in my power to stop it.

Sign number four could be my brother Afi. I confide in him, and I know every one of his dirty little secrets. We do not judge each other, and even though he knows my flaws like no one else, not even me, he still love me for it.

Sign number five, well I respect and admire a lot of people.

Does this mean I have to be their girlfriend?

Bloody mess, I tell you.

So don't fucking dare to tell me what love feels, because trust me, it would not require any sign, I'd know it. I've loved, and believe me when I say it's not a curse I'm keen to be under any time soon.