A letter.

I don't know if he read this in time or not, but fingers crossed.


Dear Arif Hj Yahya a.k.a Ret,

SUBJ: Reason for my MIA

Laptopku nada wah, beusai. So don't miss me too much. I'd hate that, eseh. Btw sementara kau menunggu laptopku baik ani, cuba kau liat video ani. Fallout New Vegas. Sialan wah deathclaw. Brijap ah. Masa first ku tejumpa, adiku becerita tu siringku, mamaku ngam melintas. Teriak2 tarus semua. Banyak lagi tu. Damn. Senapang lagi anu inda kuat. Mati~ Yg siuk tu game atu, sniping ah. Me likey.. Kalau ku dapat .50 cal inda kana tangkap, mau ku tu. Liat kepala urg pacah. Hahahaha!



Ko ada liat EMA? Eminem sama Snoopdog kalah arah bieber. Gila banciku kanak2 masa ani. Kimaxed udah. Btw jarang ni blogku cakap melayu ni. Supaya kau sanang baca bah. Besyukur tah. 

Bah, I miss you too.

Yours Truthfully,
Red the Mate. (Ai rhyme eh.)

Bonus. Space Bound.

So after a year and six months, it's no longer me that you want

But I love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once

I poured my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to God

I blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms

Drop to my knees and I'm bleedin, I'm tryna stop you from leavin'

You won't even listen so fuck it, I'm tryna stop you from breathin'

I put both hands on your throat, I sit on top of you squeazin'

Til I snap your neck like a popsicle stick, ain't no possible reason

I can think of to let you walk up out this house and let you live

WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EMINEM FTW!

A great deal.

First thing first.

We've been over this million times now. I'm surprised there are still idiots out there.

We're told to study, and work, and marry, and start a family. And then, what? We die. That's typical life cycle. Ain't it? Well, I am not going to list myself to the cliche.

I was sent to school when I was 2 fucking years old. Now I'm 19. This would be the best period of my life, enjoying, well, my life. I can play sleep whenever I want, eat whatever I want, play XBOX as long as I want and sit in front of my laptop ranting about my life in my blog for hours as I please. I do not want to further my study, and I do not wish to work anytime soon.

My sole wish is I am to be left alone. Leave. me. alone. Let me savor my happy hours, which will end as soon as I walk into a working phase. It will happen, not now, but eventually.

Please stop harassing me with your endless question about working. Your son, your daughter or whomever it is that you want to compare me with, IS NOT me. If they want to study now, or work now, fall into your cliche of life, that's their choice. Their life. You can't tell me how to run my life. If you think I ran a life of a loser, so be it. You can say that I'm ruining my life, but you can't change the fact that it's MY life. I get to say what I do with it, you don't.

We live only once and I am not going to let YOU run it.

Secondly.

MY BROTHER IS GETTING MARRIED!
Okay he's my first cousin, but still, he's my brother. I'm sooooooo excited!!

Congratulations, Haji Fathul Hakeem! *squeal*

Thirdly.

I just found out that Mali's older sister's name. Get this: Amalia Afiqah.

Right....

BWAHAHAHAHAH!! Can you get more obnoxious name than that? Sorry sister, you know I love you, despite your....... heinous name. I understand now, why you insist to be called Afiq. That's a terrible name. I think I like your parents. They have humorous streaks in them. BWAHAHAH!!

Now, the matter on your brother. He wanted to join me at my brother's wedding. That's outright insanity. Because, well he's not my boyfriend, for one. I know I can introduce him as my friend. I mean, I have no problem introducing Arip to my family. Hell, I will bring Arip to the wedding if he wants, in a heartbeat. But this is Mali we're talking about..

This brother of mine, he's from my father side. It means a great deal to me. I want my other brothers, my more important brothers, to like him. I want him to be on their good side. I mean, I know Mali will behave, but what if he doesn't?

I don't know why I'm making such a fuss. It's just a wedding, and it's just Mali.

That's right. It's Mali. Damn it. I can't decide now.

I will think about it tomorrow.

Fourthly. (I'm not really sure it's even a word. Oh what the hell..)

Motherfucker!

Yeah, I'm pointing my finger on you,

Kate Bosworth!

I've always wanted somebody big, and tall (and drop-dead hot) since.. Well, since Eric. Whoopsie. Alex. 

Lucky bitch.

*crying hysterically*

We are not what we used to be

You prefer them, rather than me
unlike you used to be
Why do you treat me differently?
Did I just disappear?
There’s obvious hurt in my voice,
Don’t you notice; don’t you hear?
Can I trust you anymore,
With the secrets we exchanged?
Don’t you notice I’m upset?
Don’t you notice I’m scared?
This change doesn’t just concern you,
It hurts; don’t you care?
Why have you left me estranged?What made you change?
Was it because of me?
We only talk when you want something,
You use me; don’t you see?
Do you like who you’ve become?
How the new you is arranged?
We’ve become so distant now,
I miss the way you were before.
When I know you better than anyone else
and we used to be happy with each other
and laughing out loud together.

So if I don't love you tomorrow
The way I love you today
Don't ask me why
Because I'm telling you now
You've changed
And not in a good way
I don't know you anymore.
A total stranger to me.

*heavy sigh*

P/s: I have every right to be emo right now. Better emo, than to not care at all. I am no cold-hearted bitch. Unlike you. *points to random people*

New lesson every day.

I've been teaming with same people, same group, same lobby when I play MW2 since I was in CS, right.. I knew their skills, their tactics and whatnot.. It's getting boring really.. Then I thought, maybe I need new faces..

So I began to resurface back in game forum (not gonna tell which) to recruit new squad.. Then I met this guy, he said he had to see me playing so he invited me to play with him. Kind of like walk-in interview. His forum post was over 500, he must've been playing for sometime now.. So I thought, why the hell not. I gave it a shot, no pun intended.

His gamertag is H3i7ixxxxxx. We've teamed up six to eight times a week, He's not pro but definitely not n00b either, then I'm officially on his squad. We have 13 to 18 members and I've played with them in turns.

Then one day, he was on at the same time as I. We played. Now I'm not one to talk when I was in the middle of shooting (I am not that skilled), so I usually put my mic on mute. But on that day, we won on lucky kill. I laughed.

Heili: Dude, you're a girl.
Mister: *gasped*
Pronto: (I guess he was shell-shocked because he was quiet.)
Me: ..... Uh.. I am.
Heili: I thought you're guy!
Pronto, Mister: *disconnected*
Me: So?
Heili: What the hell man..

That day, when I logged on to the forum, their siggies were changed.

(Our team banner)

One of us is LITERALLY a girl. Not kidding! 

(dance)

Here I thought I was gonna find new members. Pffffffffttt.

And no, I'm not giving away my gamertag and my team's name. 

I'm embarrassed enough. Most girls do not play this game. =__=""

But my team members are real supportive. They won't either. ;)

I've been having problem with my connection for few days now, and I learnt an important lesson I think I should tell you guys.

Don't play Modern Warfare 2 when your connection is crap. It's SUICIDE!

Suicide IS a joke.

We should not make a joke about suicide? Why not? She takes life as joke herself. Why should we pity her? God gave her life (I doubt that she has no brain, really) and she wanted to end it by simply leaping off a building? How is that not funny? No matter how difficult the problems she faced, she should never think about suicide in the first place.

I knew a man, who, get this, SUCCESSFULLY committed suicide by consuming harmful products. Apparently, he had a problem that he chose to solve it by murdering himself, rather than to sit and have a discussion with his family. While he had effectively liberated himself from his problem, he had also left FOUR children and a widow behind. Put yourself in the children’s shoe. If you think growing up without a father is hard, how about living the rest of your life, knowing that your father had opted to kill himself, rather than to trust you with his problem? The eldest kid was 8 when it happened. Tell me, how is that NOT stupid?

Same goes with this girl. If she takes the leap, she would leave a very disappointed mother and a troubled father behind. Her family will blame themselves every day, thinking that they had failed her when in fact, they didn’t. It was her choice to think that she’s strong enough to deal with whatever problems she had by herself. When she realized that she was truly not as strong as she thinks, she simply ends her life. When you lost loved ones like that, bearing the unspeakable guilt on your shoulder every single day, is it not as tormenting? Then who would guarantee that no family of hers is going to commit suicide again, if suicide is as acceptable when you’re facing problems or just stressed?

Suicide is the most selfish thing a person could ever commit. Attempt suicide should be recorded as the biggest bullshit ever, in history of mankind. These people are only seeking for recognition, fishing for sympathies. If you have issues, go see therapists. That’s why there are degrees for them. And no, I sincerely have no compassion left for these self-centered people. My compassion is solely for the people who fought for their lives against famine or sickness, basically them who lived in Third World countries.