I'm not that innocent.

I don't think I'm fit to be a teacher. Seriously.

Once, I told a student that he's not cool because he doesn't play M-rated games, when he owns a PS3. He's underage, and apparently, I thought it was okay to tell him those rates are bullshit.

Then, just the other day.. I told  a student who was annoying me with his constant stupid questions to fuck off.
He criticized my preference for XBOX, fine. I was contemplating on purchasing a PS3 anyway. But when he started spurting goddamn insults on Manchester United, I just snapped. I yelled at him. YELLED. Thank God the old lady wasn't in the vicinity, or I'll be the one who'd be told to literally fuck off. -_-" The stupid student just laughed. He fucking laughed. I was sorely tempted to rip his head off.

Patience is not my strongest suit, but I really shouldn't have said that. Which makes me realize, Mali was right.

How can I lead the kids when I'm just a kid myself? An impatient, hot-headed kid. *sigh

You know what I want to be?

A stripper!

I can dance like nobody's business! When I move, Pussycat Dolls got nothing on me. It'll be a 'You can look but you can't touch' kind of dance. When I finish dancing, even gays would sport a massive wood. Shame, there's no stripper joint here.

Or a writer.

Can I be a writer? Unfortunately, I tend to include in lemon-y, goody-goody stuffs in my writing, Not to mention my choice of language would be English. Being in a Malay, conservative society, it's also a no-no.

Maybe a librarian?

I love books! I can wear glasses, short skirts, tight tops and pumps that scream Fuck Me. Bending on a table, reading a book title. Or leaning on a shelf, trying to reach the book on top. Or sitting on a chair, crossing my legs until the skirts ride up to my thigh, shushing those who make even the faintest sound.. Ehhh definitely a no.

And for the record, I currently have 5 pairs of heels like this. -__-"

Like I said, I'm not a good teacher. When this was published, I was currently looking at - no, actually, sitting right in front of - a certain (VERY hot) male religious teacher, grading his students' papers. And complaining. And throwing playful glances at me every once in a while. He asked me why was I smiling. I couldn't very well say, "I was just imagining the things that hands can do other than holding a pencil. And things that tongue can lick instead of those delicious lips" now, could I? Oh how I love to corrupt him. By the time I'm finish, he won't even remember his name. Thank goodness he doesn't really into internet.

-__-"

P/s: To YOU! I gave you permission to use a name that I'd never want anyone to call me, and yet you call me "nes". YOU don't get to call me that anymore! I'm ignoring you until you realize your mistake. -_-"

And no. I do NOT watch porns. They disgust me. When I ask my guy friends why they watch it, their answers were mainly "for experience". Please tell me you're fucking kidding. Guys who watch porn 'for experience' or 'insights' are idiots. And not good in bed. And possibly, ugly. And desperate. A true gentleman knows his ways around ladies and they get laid without 'experience from porns'. You don't treat your girlfriend or wives the way pornstars treat their colleagues. That is the most demeaning things I've ever heard. Yes you may fantasize, and we might help you abit, but only if it's YOUR fantasies, not some pornstars'. Stupid git.

I'm abused.

aku banci adiku.. banar2. well sometimes aku sayang ia pulang, tapi aku banci ia. ia selalu dapat barang, aku inda. kalau barang atu meant for aku, ia jua ambil. mcm, hard drive lah kiranya. aku bali tu ah, tapi 24/7 arah ia. aku 'minjam', ia marah pastu umban2 barang. pastu mamaku kata, "mengalah tah. kau yg tua." aku mcm wtf. aku jua punya. kali mamaku mcm "sejak bila kamu pandai "aku punya, ia punya" ani? sama2 bah." IA PAKAI 24/7 KALI AH! he's fucking 19! patutnya pandai pikir sudah!

mcm haritu, aku kata aku kan bali hp 5800, skali ia dulu majal mamaku bali. ia iinda keraja so ia pakai duit mamaku lah masih. kali aku gtau aku kan bali pastu ia mcm "eh apakan ikut2 hp urg ani." kima ah. aku kali dulu kan bali. "well, aku bali dulu so cari yg lain ah." kimakimakimakima!

pastu pasal urg lain slalu kata ia nampak mcm abang, aku mcm adik, ia slalu mcm "yatah, usul inda berakal bah tu. manakan urg ucap damit." kima, aku kah ia yg inda berakal?

pastu ah, aku haritu balikan ia speaker yg bulat damit tu. kira sama2 lah, aku ada, ia pun ada. banarnya aku malas pulang kan balikan tapi mamaku cakap "biar sama2." DUITKU AH!! aku okay lah saja, sian jua adiku kan.. kali speakernya rusak. speakerku pinjamnya. aku baik ni, okay, pinjam kajap saja.. DITAPAUNYA.. sudah dibaginya balik, rusak inda bebuunyi. palui. inda jua batah ia makai. baie. pasal ia, aku pun inda bspeaker.

sama jua mcm mouse tu. mousenya ada sudah, tapi kalau kan jalan, minjam mouse ku jua. mamaku ckp apa? "minjamkan tia.. adimu jua tu. jangan bekira sama adik ani. inda bisai." INDA BEKIRA CANA KAN LAGI? sama jua ceritanya. "putus oleh kawanku. inda sengaja." katanya!

tadi ia jalan, ani tidur arah kawannya. kataku, aku kan makai harddrive. dibawanya usb. aku tanya, mana usb. "entah. eh tebawa si jojo kali. masa ia memanyap2 dalam bilik." kali ku kata, "kali aku pakai apa ni?" ia kata, "ada kali usb spare arah drawer ku." sudah ku cuba, rusak ah. nada mau. kali ia kata, "entah, inda tah ku tau tu."

karang bali harddrive baru ah, ia jua makai tu! anu yg panuh gilabaie sama video jackass nya ani, baginya aku ni. yatah pasalnya aku banci jackass ni.

kan ditampar? kalau inda aku yg biru2 olehnya krg, mamaku salahkan aku kalau kami adibradi klaie. "kau yg tua, patutnya kau yg mengalah." apakan tu?!!! kalau inda atu ah, "andangnya tu, anak bungsu andang catu." AH? WHAT THE FUCK?

NAH KAU! SASAK TAH KU TU SUDAH. 

Revelations

Woke up in the morning today, what did I see? I saw a bottle saying come and drink me. So I think I drank it.
OH YEAH~!

Woke up in the morning today, What did I see? I saw some weed saying come and smoke me. So I think I smoked it
OH YEAH~! 

Rolled it up and sucked it!
OH YEAH~!

Woke up in the morning today, what did I see? I saw some coke saying come and sniff me, so I think I sniffed it! Opened up and I whiffed it!
FUCK YEAH~! 

------------

I just realised something (not totally, but a little bit) awful about meself.

I'm hopeless romantic. A fucking sap.

How did I come to realise it? Well, actually I didn't. It was pointed by none other than my Amali (I seriously do not know what to call him. He's not exactly a boyfriend, but he's close) last night.

See, Mali has read all my FF works and he is somewhat my other writer. He not only checks my grammars (not that I needed constant checking), but he's also helping me to better my story lines. Sometimes he gives me his ideas and tell me how to insert it to one plot, and then connect it to another without actually altering the story's universe. He's talented that way.

Anyway, last night, he was being random. I asked him about something personal and out of the blue, he just said
"You're a hopeless romantic, you know that right?"

I, of course denied it with everything I have. But he just proved me wrong.

You know how a writing depicts the writers? Well he used my works as his proofs.

My works usually revolve in these universe. A bad guy meets a girl, while still a bad guy to others, treats the girl differently.

1. A ruthless assassin, fell in love with a brave female commander while helping her in a mission to save the galaxy from annihilation.

2. An ill-mannered slave who usually shoot anyone who so much as irks him, becomes very gentle to his mistress.

3. A bad-ass vampire sheriff who would dismember anyone who talks back at him but patient to a barmaid/part-fairy who defies him everyday.

4. A vampire who cares about nothing but himself (and his progeny) in his thousand years of existence, becomes very possessive towards his human/part-fairy girlfriend.

5. A cruel leader's second in command fell in love with a woman who wants to kill the said leader.

And this one apparently, is so me: A quiet guy who talks to no one loves a girl who talks to everyone.

At the end, I was like,
"Awh fuck me. You're right."
As he always does.

Well, my defense was "I just want to feel special for once." True that. And Mali also stated that he noticed that guys who I've rejected is never a quiet one. They either have thousands female friends, and/or always hang out with their friends. Mali is included in the latter. While he doesn't have many female friends, he's always out somewhere with his friends.

Being a bit anti-social myself, I'm a sucker for introverts.

-----------




The following context contains 18sx words.

Me: Me takut the guy I'm with inda dapat bangunkan 'atu' pasal inda cukup foreplay.. Penting jua BJ tu. :(
Mali: Ugggggggh. If he loves you, he'd have no problem getting 'it' up. Hell I'm almost hard just being around you. Why do you think I didn't want to meet you masa puasa?
Me: love me?
Mali: banar ah. panjang2 mali buat, atu saja yg ia dapat..
Me: THEEEEHEE~!

Not cynical.

You ever have this feeling, like you won't live pass 40?

I have. Something in me said that I will live a short life. I don't know what makes me think as such, but I do. I'm pretty sure my final years would be spent in hospitals, surrounded with machines and medicines. And I'm pretty sure I will be alone when I die too, because fighting some kind of illness years before my final years will leave me no time to date anyone. Or maybe it's because my illness would make me look terrifying.

You know how sucks it is to realise such things? I know, some of the reader will say that I'm just being overly cynical. But this feelings in my gut is strong.

This sucks beyond belief.

Abusing the word AWESOME!

So today I went to sit for SPA test in PTE Katok. I didn't want to. I remembered what we (me and Yadie) talked about how (extremely) useless the system is. It's Ramadhan, and they expect us to be in Katok before 8.30 AM. It's insane. The fact that not all of us lives in Bandar seemed so difficult for them to grasp. It was awesome how I managed to keep my emotion in check, not cursing all the way from Lumut to Bandar.

And Mali was awesome.

My parents wanted to go shopping, and I was bored out of my mind. We were in Giant, and Mali was nearby. I was just guessing, but I guessed right. He was at ITB when I texted. He came, and we met for a while. It felt like seconds. I missed him because we haven't met since we fought last week. :( I hate fighting with him. I've said it before, and I say it now.

I wanted to look at books, so we went to the Best Eastern. I was looking for Lord Of The Ring books. I didn't know what Mali was looking for so imagine my surprise when he showed me Jane Austen's books - Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion! I didn't know he was paying attention, like most guys do. He actually remembers I like Austen! When I wanted to pay, he opened his wallet and paid the cashier before I can. I wanted to yell at him but I saw my picture in his wallet. MY PICTURE! I was still grinning like crazy when he pulled me out of the store.

Theeen we went to next store, the boutique. He bought me a black Pashmina shawl. He said "kalau mali kan bagi hadiah, sanang saja. bagi tudung hitam pasal kalau bagi tudung lain pun nda jua kena pakai." That wasn't sweet, but it's the truth.

Then he gave me his bracelet, the one I bought for him last year and he took my bracelet. Exchange.

Then we sat on one of the benches, and just talk. After a while, he said he needed to go back to ITB. I said why, and he said this;

"because I'm fasting and your laughs made me want to kiss you."

He's awesome..

Goodbye, Kevin 'Wordy' Wordsworth.

Goodbye,

Kevin 'Wordy' Wordsworth.

Ramadhan's heree!

We've been in the fasting month for how many days?
Yeah, 6. That's also a total amount of days I haven't slept before Sahur.

Me and my bestfriends have this ridiculous tradition, that every first Ramadhan and Syawal, we'd groupchat. No matter how, no matter where, we would find a way to groupchat in MSN. I know I probably said it too many times, but that doesn't lessen how I really meant it.

I love you Arif. 

I love you Wahyu Zahleena.

I love you Hamyzah.

Other than them, I've also been chatting with Hakim, Amin and Oby.
These guys, I thank god for them. Not that I'd be bored, chatting with my bestfriends, but these guys helped lightening up my days (or nights) a little bit brighter. Thank you.

Happy Fasting!

I think..

I think I've changed my link..
I think I should change my layout..
I think I should design new image with Everything Orange..
I think I'm lazy to do codes..
I think I'm gonna ignore it for a while..

My Facebook: Nothing Orange
My Tumblr: Something Orange
My Twitter: Anything Orange

I think I'm awesomely orange. Or Orangely awesome. I think I'm not sure yet.

I think someone is attractive.
I think I want him.
I think I want too many men.
I think I still can't get over someone, unfortunately.
 
I think I'm thinking that thinking is what I think.
I think that was random.


I think I'm going to continue watching Flashpoint now.
I think Flashpoint is awesome.
I think if they ever cancel the show, I think I'm going to kill myself.
I think I'm serious.

 

"there's nowhere I'd rather be.." 

I think I love Sam Braddock and Jules.
I think I've always loved Jules, because Jules was the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
I think she was pink ranger. 
I think I cried when Ed was shot seven times, five on his vest and two on his arm, but he refused to get medical help because he wanted to be on his wife's side, who was in labor (giving birth in progress).
I think there's no episode of Flashpoint (since season 1 up til now, season 4) where I didn't want to cry.
I think it's very emotional.

I think I'm going to stop now.

Sorry, who are you again?

06.30 - 12.45 I'm working.

01.30 - 2.00 - Eat, shower, and taking care of all the human needs.

2.00 - 4.00 - Sleep. I've to deal with kids, do you have any idea how exhausting it was?

4.00 - 5.00 - Play with my baby brother. I've a baby cousin, in case you don't know.

5.00 - 6.00 - Doing chores. I'm lazy, but that doesn't mean I don't help my mum wash the dishes, or just sit in the kitchen and listen to her rants. I'm a mummy's daughter, I can't go a day without annoying mum.

6.00 - 8.00 - I've to watch TV. Or movies. Whichever the downloaded items I have in my HDD that I haven't got to watch.

8.00 - 12.00 - I need to be with my cyber siblings, namely Arip, Myzah and Leena. And chat with my new-found interesting man. *wiggling eyebrows*

12.00 - 2.00 - Play XBOX til I drop. Or write. If I have the inspiration. And Mali, if he wants to call me.

2-00 - 5.00 - Sleep.

5.00 - 6.30 - Getting ready to work.

So tell me, where can I squeeze you in my schedule, assuming you're important enough for me to do so?

I barely have time to be with my cyber siblings, who are very, very important to me, let alone you, who's nothing.

I'm in no habit of sticking my phone to my hand, and I much prefer laptop. So pardon me if I don't reply your message as soon as possible.

I repeat, my top priorities are my 3 bestfriends, and they're the only ones I would get back to AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, not anyone else. Not even Mali, not even you.

Another birth!

I GAVE BIRTH TO ANOTHER BLOG. 

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE LINK, 

JUST ASK, OKAY?

It's not an important blog.. Just a place where I dump all my ideas for writing. A draft, if you will. :D

I'm not going to stop posting here. This blog is my still my baby. :p

He is..

He has come a long way from a small insignificant role to a box office lead man..

He was Pvt. James W. Miller in 2001's Band of Brother

The first time I saw him.

He was Mr Tumnus The Faun, in 2005's The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

The first time I thought he's cute.

He was Dr. Nicholas Garrigan in 2006's The Last King Of Scotland.

The first time he piqued my interest.

When he starred as Thomas Leffroy, in 2007's Becoming Jane, all hell broke loose. Anyone who knows me would know the reasons. ;p

BECAUSE, I love that era, I love Jane Austen, and I love English accents. For me, that movie was perfect. Anne Hathaway, him, the era, Jane Austen. Since then, I've become obsessed over him and Hathaway.

I watched every following movies he starred. And it wasn't disappointing. Most stars would become lousy and their performances would be awful after times, but he didn't. Every new movie, he just become more and more hot, more talented than the previous one. Even if the movie has a boring storyline, he'd make it tolerable. He's amazing..

Awesome in 2007's Penelope as Johnny Martin/Max..

Sexy in 2007's Atonement as Robbie Turner. No, I wasn't talking about the love scene with Keira Knightley against the bookshelves. Oh fuck, who am I kidding. YES THAT TOO! Sssssmmookin' hot!

Bad-ass in 2008's Wanted as Wesley Gibson.

Cute in 2010's Gnomeo and Juliet, as Gnomeo, along with one of my favorite Emily Blunt as his Juliet.

Charming in 2011's X-Men: First Class. My friend was like, "eeh I didn't know you're a fan of X-men." Oh I'm not. Never been. I watched it solely because of him. *snickers*

I'm waiting for The Conspirator now. The story itself is brilliant.

So, do you know who I was worshiping?

Yes dearies.. It's..
.
.

JAMES MCAVOY!

He isn't sexiest man alive. No, that title is for ALEXANDER SKARSGARD only.. But there's something about McAvoy entices me.

Just, love him. Awh!!

Anyway.. I cried when I watched So Far Away MV. I really fuckin' cried. I missed The Rev. I know, I know... It doesn't makes sense because I don't know him blahblah.. It's just that, I feel pity for the next generation. The world has lost one great talented drummer.

Never feared for anything.. Never shamed but never free..

A life that healed a broken heart with all that it could..

Lived a life so endlessly..Saw beyond what others see..

I tried to heal your broken heart with all that I could..

Will you stay? Will you stay away forever?

How do I live without the ones I love?

Time still turns the pages of the book it's burned..

Place and time always on my mind..

I have so much to say but you're so far away..

Plans of what our future holds.. Foolish lies of growing old..

It seems we're so invincible, the truth is so cold..

A final song, a last request.. A perfect chapter laid to rest..

Now and then I try to find a place in my mind..

Where you can stay.. Where you can stay awake forever..

Sleep tight, I'm not afraid..

The ones that we love are here with me..

Lay away a place for me..

'Cus the soon as I'm done, I'll be on my way..

To live eternally..

I love you, you were ready..

The pain is strong and urges rise..

But I'll see you when it lets me..

Your pain is gone, your hands are tied..

So far away and I need you to know..

Stealing boyfriend/girlfriend? Bullshit.

I've heard a lot of people bitch about people stealing their girlfriend/
boyfriend.

Let us look into the meanings of the words first.. These meanings,
you can get from every dictionary available in the world.

Steal

- verb (used with object)
1. to take wrongfully

- verb (used without object)
2. to commit theft
3. to move very quietly

A man can steal a car.. A woman could be stealing a perfume.. So,
pardon my French, how the fu.ck do YOU, a living, breathing, and
with your own will, human, get 'stolen'?

Now, let us look into the meaning of relationship.

Relationship.

- noun
1. connection, association, or involvement
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage
3. emotional or other connection between people
4. sexual involvement; affair

Uh, 'between people', hello?
When a relationship dies because of a third party, I'd say, both of
you are to be blamed. Your partner and YOU. Yeah, you! Just
because you're the one who got dumped, doesn't give you the right
to thrash the new affair. You just don't hold her/his interest
anymore, so she/he moves on. Maybe it's your own insecurity that
pushes them away, who knows. But you have only yourself to
blame.

Your partner is also at the wrong. But again, you can't bash them.
It's only human nature to be enticed by something more intriguing.
And this someone new is just that, intriguing. I, for the life of me,
can't understand how easily these people move on, since I wasted -
yeah, wasted! - almost 4 years of my life pining over someone I
should've let go. I am interested in others, but moving on, it seems
out of question for the time being. But yeah, human nature.

As for the third-party, well, I'm just gonna say, ''way to go, buddy!''
You can't choose whom you fall in love with, but once you are, fight
for it. All is fair in love and war, may the best man win and all that.
You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault that the relationship
wasn't strong enough. You have no say in their relationship, to
break up was their choice. But my advice, you should be wary of
your newfound lover. If they can't stay faithful enough in the former
relationship, who's to say they won't leave you for someone more
interesting one day? I know, I know.. They've changed, blahblah.
Human nature, remember?

My opinion?
We live in a beautiful world, and we're bound to meet more
amazing people than our current partner. It's really how you deal
with the attraction. You can't just jump into a relationship with every
single person that interests you.. Relive the reasons you fell in love
with your current partner over and over again, I'd say you should
be fine.

But of course, it's only an opinion from a cynic. You can think for
yourself. :)

Tell me maybe.

You asked me, what was the best moments we shared that I cherish the most?

My answer shocked you because you were expecting the obvious. You should know by now, better than anyone else, that in this matter, I am nothing if not unpredictable.

It's not when you kissed me on the lips for the first time, relieved that all that pented up feelings you're afraid to tell me were actually mutual. It's not when you peck me on the cheek to show your appreciation for the little things I do. It's not when you tell everyone that you're single but had a hard times explaining my pillows in your car.

My second favorite moment was actually that one time when you kissed my wrists and palms, and say you're sorry, on our fight which was - in my opinion - over nothing, just me being my usual self-bitch.

Do you know why?

It showed you can handle me. You have ungodly amount of patience to deal with me, when anybody would love to smack the back of my head. You would never raise your voice and tell me to suck it.

I love you for that. I love you. I could say it million times if you like, but it would never change the fact that I'm not in love with you. You told me that one of my best traits that you love is my loyalty. I'm fiercely loyal, I'd say it's a blessing, if it's for the right people. Unfortunately it's not, not anymore, so it has become my undoing. I have no idea when it will fade and I'm worried.

I hugged you with the intention of letting you go. You're too special, I don't deserve you. I told you this, and I tried to pull away.. But you.. You tighten your grip and you mumbled into my hair,
''no. Tell me maybe. It's all I need for now..''

And that was the best moment I love the most.

he's really gone..

Everyone cried, saying that they were closed to him. How he had helped them, how he had joked with them..

But when I didn't cry that much, they just assumed that I wasn't that close to him.

What they don't realize is that he's more of a father to me than my own.

He was the one who taught me to eat vegetables, when my own dad doesn't even realize I can't eat them.
He was the one who would eat the pineapples from of my meals, when my own dad doesn't even know I'm allergic to it.
He was the one who would send and fetch me to and from school, when my dad is at home, sleeping.
He was the first to teach me to pray.
He was the one who loves to entertain my passion for debates, when nobody wants to hear me. He would listen to what I have to say, and points me where I'm wrong. He would admit that I'm right, something that is rare for someone as old as him to do - admit that they're wrong. Which proves that he is unique.
He taught me about life, he taught me everything. He's the one among them who looks at me without judging. He's the one who believes that someday, I will do just as great. He's the only one who knew the real me..

I feel his loss like it was my own dad that died. Maybe I even grieve for him more than I would ever grieve for my own dad. I'm not saying that I don't love my dad.. I do, but he's not always there for me when I need him..

I don't cry, doesn't mean I don't feel.. I just don't know how to deal with everything that happens..

My day sucked.

My day sucked.

Maybe I got up on the wrong side of bed this morning, but I doubt it since I wake up on the same side every other day and they're not this bad.

I slept at 4 AM (methinks) because I spent the night playing Portal 2.. Mum woke me up at 6AM. Aside from a mild headache, I was fairly okay.

I checked my FB, and there were two inbox messages. This is where it all started.

The messages were from none other than my twisted stalker. First message was about how he dreamt of me, blahblah, and he said he read my FB notes and thought my stories were good, so he asked (no, demand is more like it) me to write a love story between us, or maybe a love poem for me. WTH. His second message was how he couldn't live anymore because he's so tormented, so stressed, blahblah. He made it sounded like I was the reason he doesn't want to live, I was to blame for his agony and one of these days, he's gonna end it all by drinking half of the coughing syrup. So he'd overdosed.

I replied: I never write a story, let alone poem, for someone I don't really care. Not to mention I'm not in the mood to write any. As to your second message, at this rate, if you don't kill yourself, let me have the honour. I would really love to. I'm sick of people trying to guilt me. Screw you.
 
So that's over.

Mum wanted me to accompany her to the hospital. I hate hospital, but because I love her, I went along. Then I saw him. I. SAW. HIM. It was bad! Weeks of trying to get over him once and for all, had been erased at the mere glimpse of him. My heart even skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. Fuck.

And when we got back to the car, I got an earful from mum.
"I like him like my son and I don't want to lose him because of your foolishness."
"Why can't you two at least be civil."
Blahblahblahblahblah.
Yes, yes, I'm the bad guy (or girl) here. Just drive the effing car. -___-


So I told Mali. At first, he was being nice, gave me advice and all that.
"As long as you still haven't made peace with whatever that had happened between the two of you, you can never start a new life. You'll forever be haunted with his ghost."
He asked what really happened, I told him. Then of course, being the bastard that he is, he too, admonished me.
Yes, yes, I'm the crook.


Everyone thinks I'm wrong, that I held a grudge over nothing. Is there no one on my side? Am I really fighting this fight alone?


Well, I have my brothers.. But they're biased. There were no love lost between them to begin with. They liked Mali, but I don't think I'm going to introduce them anytime soon. My brothers, to me, were the most important people in my life and I don't want to introduce any of my friends if they're not planning on sticking around for long. I've been wanting to introduce my best bud the a6et to them because I'm convinced that he's the only guy in my life that I have a steady relationship with. He's not going anywhere.

In conclusion, I feel like a bitch today, because everybody makes me feel like one. I'm tired of explaining myself so I'm just gonna let them think what they want.

I never want to kill anything more than I do right now.

UPDATE.

Saya fikir selama ini lelaki itu hanya rambling. (Rambling cakap melayu apa kan?) Saya tidak begitu mengenalinya.. Pertemuan kami hanya sekali, sewaktu dia menemani sepupunya, yang juga merangkap teman baik saya berkunjung ke rumah semasa Hari Raya. Saya juga tidak pernah bercakap dengannya, kerana waktu itu, dia hanya mendiamkan diri. Saya juga tidak selesa berborak dengan orang yang saya tidak kenali. Saya ingat pada awal tahun, dia hendak menjadi kawan saya di Facebook. Ramai yang bergelar kawan saya tidak pernah sekalipun datang ke rumah, tetapi dia pernah, jadi saya anggap dia sebagai kawan. Saya tidak pernah mengambil tahu tentang dia, dan pada awalnya, dia tidak selalu mengupdate status (apakan tu melayunya?!!).. Sejak beberapa bulan kebelakangan, dia semakin rajin.. Dan baru jam ini saya sedari bahawa setiap kali status saya mengandungi lirik lagu, dia akan sambung lirik itu sebagai statusnya. Statusnya juga banyak yang seolah-olah membalas status saya. Contohnya:

Saya: I think I might be fallen in love.
Dia: I wish it were me you're falling for.

Saya: No, you're not perfect.. By everyone else's standard. By mine you are.. They don't set the rules, I am.
Dia: I'm not perfect, but I'm willing to try to at least meet your standard.

Saya: I can't let him break whatever's left of my broken heart.
Dia: I swear to you, here and now that I will never break your heart.

Saya: Just because you love someone doesn't mean you should stick around and screw up their life
Dia: I'd rather have my life screwed, if it means that you're still in it.

Dan banyak lagi lirik lagu yang disambungnya. Saya copy-paste (awu ngam sudah tu..). Pada mulanya saya fikir ini hanya kebetulan, tapi kebetulan kah namanya, jika ia terjadi berulang kali? Lagipun dia mengupdate statusnya sejurus selepas saya update. 3 minutes ago, 5 minutes ago, dan yang paling lama, 3 hours ago.

ANTAM.. Eh tapi banar wah.

L.A Noire

So I've beaten the game.. And I regretted it.

Because I haven't finished street crimes and driven 40 vehicles. Damn. Because it was Rockstar's game, I had assumed we could free roam after we've beaten the game. Damn!

SPOILER:

I love Cole Phelps!

He's awesome. He's cute. His expressions when questioning are so cute! He died in the end. Kinda figures. He had an extra-marital affair with a German singer, Elsa Lichtmann, despite being married.

Elsa reminds me of Casablanca.

In Casablanca, Elsa wasn't a singer and certainly wasn't a German. Her husband, Laszlo, and she came to Casablanca for visas to America. Elsa dated Rick, the bar owner, when her husband was in prison, if I'm not mistaken. In L.A Noire, Elsa and her friend, Lou fled from Germany during Hitler's rise of power, and were detained for four years on Ellis Island in New York. After Lou was killed, she had an affair with Cole Phelps, a married American Detective.

I love Phelps's partner in Traffic.

Stephan Bekowsky!

I despised Roy Earle, from the moment he backhanded Elsa. Not to mention, he's a snake.

And I don't care enough about Jack Kelso to love him or hate him. Just indifferent. Even though he's kind of a major character towards the end.

L.A Noire also managed to make me choked on my water..

It was when Cole was searching for a suspect, and it involved a hotel registry.

Apparently, checked in the hotel were Clark Gable, Humphrey Bogard, Marilyn Monroe, Vivian Leigh, Bing Crosby, Cory Grant, Robert Mitchum, Virginia Mayo, Danny Kaye and so on. And the suspect registered his name as Winston Churchill. I was like, what the...? Maybe all the ledger in the game were filled with actors and actresses in that era, but the ledger in this hotel made me cracked because I recognize them. Seriously, Clark Gable? He's my love!

I love L.A Noire so much that I think I'm going to play it second time. I love the music, the cars, the outfits, everything in the game. I love Rockstar!

Other Note:

Don't bullshit me by saying you love me, and then randomly adding hundreds of other girls' Facebook. And don't insult my intelligence by saying, "they're just for friends". Seriously, don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. How stupid do you I am? I hate bullshitters, and don't make me hate you.

I'm not talking about Mali because in his defense, he never actually say he loves me. We're just.. uh.. fuck buddies. HAHAAHA!

At wits' end.

I'M BEING STALKED.

Like, really stalked. This guy, he added my mum, my aunt, everyone I listed in FB as family. He liked my old statuses, my old photo albums and pictures.

When I text him (inbox), he didn't want to identify himself at first. After several (really boring) texts, I found out that he 'liked' me since we were kids. And I remember him. He was someone from my past. He was the one guy who used to give me love letters, flowers, candies and whatnot. He even followed me home. Back then, we loved to walk, instead of being fetched. My house and the school were not that far. I didn't know he was following me, my girlfriends told me about him. And I told Adam of course. The day we realized that we were being followed was the day Adam and his friends became our bodyguards. They walked us home, eventhough their house were on the other direction. And we had fun. But that didn't stop the stalker, noo. I was 8-10 of age that time.

So you understand why I'm freaked out, don't you? It's 10 friggin' years! He knows where I live, which school I went and what grade I got.

His texts are so creepy.

He's convinced that I am his true love, blahblah. He sought me for 10 years and he didn't even want to be with anyone, other than me. He cried because I don't remember him. He always cries when he misses me at nights. He has pictures of me. And he wants to die because apparently, dying is easier than to be tortured by my constantly invading his thoughts.

He's either bullshitting me or he's out of his mind. If it's the former, I wish that he'd stop doing it, because I'm scared shitless. If it's the latter, I pity him.. I mean, 10 years is a long time to carry a torch for someone who didn't know you even existed. If they return the sentiment, then it's worth it. But if they don't? That 10 years of your life, you'd never get back.

I don't want to tell my brother because there's no telling what he might do to the poor guy. I've never dealt with this kind of stalker so I'm at my wits' ends.. I don't want to hurt him again, but at the same time, he terrifies me..

Champions League.

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

Will edit later. When I feel like it. :)

Oooo my Vidic is captain. <3.

-----------------------------------------

Barcelona's: Victor Valdes, Gerard Piqué, Puyol, Sergio Busquets, Xavi, Andrés Iniesta, Pedro and last but not least, David fucking Villa. And then, there's Lionel fucking Messi, who's like a god in football.

Who are they you ask? Well my friend, I present you, the Spain national squad.

How the fuck are we supposed to beat that?

=/

I'm doing nothing in class now because I'm still in mourning. SALAH! Pasal aku nyamal. Qasyah, Pipin and the rest of you, you guys suck. Whatever happens to 'kids are sweet'? Where did they disappear to? Why leave me with these kind of kids? They're vicious. Kesian kami MU group. Tapi at least kami in line wah sama Barca! Kamu apa ada? Sasak haha!

Malas ku. Malas!

Blue - Breathe Easy

One of my fav up to this day. Breathe Easy, written by Lee Ryan (and two other composer, I think.. Pssht, insignificant!).



Lee Ryan verse!

Curse me inside..
For every word that caused you to cry..
Curse me inside..
I won't forget, no I won't baby..
I don't know why...
I left the one I was looking to find..


Out of my mind..
Nothing makes sense anymore..
I want you back in my life..
That's all I'm breathing for..


Tell me whyyyy......


I can't dream yet another dream without you lying next to me, there's no air..

I was 13-14, I think.. He's my first love. He's sooo hot!

Awu damit2 sudah gatal. Shadap yuh.

Oh brother..

So I watch these TV shows right....






True Blood


Camelot


Skins


Misfits

It's rated M for.. Eh.. Hot scenes. My mum knew, and didn't say anything about it. Thing is, when my brother found out, he wiped it completely off my HDD. He went nuts about it, said that I'm not old enough blah blah blah. Said that it's a bad influence. Lololo~ Paksa download balik. -_-" Selalunyaaa I love it when he's like that.. Feels like there's someone who cares about me, but sometimes it's too much.. Well, most of the time really. I keep telling myself, he's just looking out for me. Pssshht.

EDIT!!!

to the wanker in my cbox:

if you *actually* read my blog posts, there are answers to your questions in there somewhere. Well, I have to repeat it again.

I will never get over him, because he's the first guy I've ever loved for a very long period. He will always have a place in my heart, even though it's not the first place.

And no, it's not fair for my 'suitors' as you call it, IF I tell them to wait for me. I have never, and will never tell them to. They know, and they stayed with me of their accords, AS FRIENDS.

Jackass.

Colorful bathroom. And not-so-colorful bag.

Monday:



Tuesday:



Wednesday:




Thursday:



Friday:



Saturday:



Sunday:



I have 7 shower gels and 7 shampoos. I used to have lots of Body Shop shower gels, but I stopped using since I lost interest. While smelled good, it's not colorful. Boring..

Make-up:






A small bag, a black eyeliner, a foundation, a black mascara, a concealer, a brush, a black eyeshadow, a pale lipstick, a lipgloss. I'm simple. I love M.A.C because it's black. HAHA!

Me: Mali, me kan jalan ni kebandar..
Mali: Ok.. Pakai tudung..
Me: Eh malas. Lambat sudah..
Mali: Biar masuk neraka karang. Rambut kena tunu tu.

Yeps, he's sweet.