Not cynical.

You ever have this feeling, like you won't live pass 40?

I have. Something in me said that I will live a short life. I don't know what makes me think as such, but I do. I'm pretty sure my final years would be spent in hospitals, surrounded with machines and medicines. And I'm pretty sure I will be alone when I die too, because fighting some kind of illness years before my final years will leave me no time to date anyone. Or maybe it's because my illness would make me look terrifying.

You know how sucks it is to realise such things? I know, some of the reader will say that I'm just being overly cynical. But this feelings in my gut is strong.

This sucks beyond belief.