You have no idea.

"Oh my god he asks you to be his girlfriend? Oh my god! So what did you say?"
"I said.. no."
"No? What do you mean, no?"
"Similar to a NO in every other dictionary."
"You're stupid."
"I am? Why? Because I said no?"
"Yeah! He's cool, he's awesome, and he obviously loves you."


That's the reaction I got ever since that damned night.

Why should I accept him, seriously, other than he's cute, cool or/and awesome? I mean, most of my guy friends are cool, awesome and/or cute. If they ask the same thing, should I accept all of them?

Love? Pfft. Let me ask you this. What do you know about LOVE, exactly? How would you know the feeling you feels is LOVE?

They said the most likely signs are:

1. Your thoughts are filled with them and what you could do to make them smile today.

2. When something good or nice happens to you, you always think of how you must share this with them, be it a funny story or a moment of your triumph.

3. You become selfless. And you start thinking more about what would be good for the other person, than what would be good for you. You take care of them and you keep looking out for them.

4. You continue to communicate openly and do not harshly judge each other. You accept each other’s faults and shortcomings.

5. There is a great deal of respect, admiration and trust for this person.

Oh.. OH! So, if I have those signs, I could be in love? So I should be their girlfriends?

Then my life would be a bloody mess, literally.

You see, sign number one, it could be my mum. I kind of think about her every time. Maybe because I'm a mummy's daughter, but still, my thoughts are filled with her. I don't ever want her to stop smiling, not if I can help it.

Sign number two could be my best friend Raiyan. If something happens, I used to call him and shriek, or cry, even if it's two in the morning. In fact, he's on my speed dial.

Sign number three could be my best friend Areef. He's like, the kindest friend I ever have, and if I see anything - or anyone, for that matter - causes him any pain, I would do everything in my power to stop it.

Sign number four could be my brother Afi. I confide in him, and I know every one of his dirty little secrets. We do not judge each other, and even though he knows my flaws like no one else, not even me, he still love me for it.

Sign number five, well I respect and admire a lot of people.

Does this mean I have to be their girlfriend?

Bloody mess, I tell you.

So don't fucking dare to tell me what love feels, because trust me, it would not require any sign, I'd know it. I've loved, and believe me when I say it's not a curse I'm keen to be under any time soon.