Obnoxious, Egotistical & Narcissistic.

i have lost someone i really treasured and its a regret. big time! perhaps it was me. no, scratch the perhaps. IT WAS SERIOUSLY MY FAULT. and like my auntie (i used to call her by name only, so i guess she played a big sister card here.), i am the problem, big drama queen. i just realized how much i love him the moment when i extremely despised him. i wanted to tell him that i hate him so much that it hurts. i'm not much of a sweet-talker so forgive me for i could only show what's exactly in my heart by cursing him and tearing him and ripping him apart. i didnt dare to say harsh words which i used to, in his face because he is straight-dumb-naive thinker. when i tell him that i hate him, he simply thinks that i hate him. simple as that. i hate him even more for his way of thinking. hate him, and i want to slap him across his face etc etc. he still possesses a gigantic part of my heart, so whenever he tells me that he loves me, i honestly feel that the world just stop moving for a second. i dont really know how to express this. and plus, if he keeps on telling me that, its impossible for me to accept any man. and i'm so confused, if he does have feelings for me, any feelings, why on earth does he make no move? i mean, gosh, take a look around. there's men waiting and willing to do anything for me. why do i find it hard to push him to do something? and, on the other hand, i think i have someone in my mind already. i'd say i'm into him for like 65%. reached crazy-shadow phase already hahahaha. but before he says clearly that he doesnt love me anymore, and he wants me to "GET A LIFE, BI*CH", i won't take anyone seriously. ohh, this is a silent form of whatever kind of revenge. or torment. i am so done!