sweet torments.

me jealous, thank you ! !
me want to kill someone ! !

but then,
who am I to whine?
who am I to curse?
who am I to stop anyone from falling head over heels to him?

despite years and months worshipping him from afar, I still am NOBODY.

NOBODY !

it hurts me to say the word but it's fact.

say if I give the woman a title bitch, just for liking him, what made me different from her? NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH.

she's too, like me, wanting a cold statue. she probably had spoken to him, which makes me look even more pathetic.


stop saying that i'm just gonna hurt myself more. do I look too dumb to think?

I chose this way of life, I chose the torments over the chances of escaping, and so I will endure the pains, to the very last drop of my blood.

the bursting bubbles..

Changing my skin to a little bit hyper happy skin.

I'm done with all the gloomy, misery, depression state.

Whatever I do won't change his superly genius mind. So back to square one. Stay put and do nothing. It's the best I could do without hurting me, or anyone else. You know, all your emotions will affect people around you. So, for the sake of people around me, I'll stay under the radar. I could still love him and be happy, right? Yeah.

Listen to Papparazi song by Lady Gaga, or you can merely read the lyric if you hate her.
**(I don't hate her but I slightly dislike her. Can somebody give this woman pants? Her butt is distracting! Please pay her more, people. I think she doesn't have enough money to buy even one decent cloth.)**

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm your biggest fan

I'll follow you until you love me

Baby there's no other superstar

You know that I'll be your-

Promise I'll be kind

But I won't stop until that boy is mine

Baby you'll be famous

Chase you down until you love me

~~~~~~~~~~

yes, about the skin. Fion is AWESOMEEEEE!!

Perfect Stranger.

of Song: Perfect Stranger
Artist: 鄒承恩 Zou Chen
Album: Black & White 痞子英雄 OST

Dive from the blue sky
And to see who I really am

Facing my desire
with the answer
to start again, be brave again

What will stop in my way?
Who will challenge the fate
The test of pain and wrath

Are we living in circus?
Are we beat up by curse?
Cus I'm sure will take the race

( give my beat alive )
Holding my will
Cuz I've never met someone like you

( take my breath away )
Cus' I'm blind in your smile
Using tears buryin the lie

Oh~ Pretty Stranger
Rock my soul and world with a gentle kiss
Fly~ makin me fly
To eternal
Oh once again, the love we make
Until the sun has risen
Our life will bond together
Oh my perfect stranger

Would you dream about me?
Could you spend time with me?
I crave for your lip life time

breathing in frozen fever
standing in burning winter
all the misery need you by my side

( give my beat alive )
Now seize the time
defeat the weak and break my runaway

( take my breath away )
Cus I'm conquered by your eyes
and I'm losing all my mind

Oh~ Pretty Stranger
Rock my soul and world with a gentle kiss
Fly~ makin me fly
To eternal
Oh once again, the love we make
Until the sun has risen
Our life will bond together
Oh my, perfect stranger

( give my beat alive )
Now seize the time
defeat the weak and break my runaway

( take my breath away )
Cus I'm conquered by your eyes
and I'm losing all my mind
Oh~ Pretty Stranger
Rock my soul and world with a gentle kiss
Fly~ makin me fly
To eternal
Oh once again, the love we make
Until the sun has risen
Our life will bond together
Oh~ Pretty Stranger
Rock my soul and world with a gentle kiss
High~ makin me high
To eternal
Oh once again, the love we make
Until the sun has risen
Our life will bond together




song perfectly related to me. em, ofcourse, exclude the kiss part. see, we haven't really kissed, we haven't really held hands.. we haven't done ANYTHING! but truth part about this song? the part where i'm losing my mind and all that. seriously, i'm dyingggggggggggg.

the more i want to let go, the more i'm stuck. tsk. why is this happening to me?! should i be blamed? for what? damn it!

Revolving.

We were asked to do a research on Psychosocial: Erik Erikson's Theory. Erikson' Theory got 8 stages and one of them is Intimacy vs Isolation.

Here's my result:

Intimacy vs. Isolation is the the psychological conflict of early adulthood, which is resolved positively when young adults give up some of their newfound independece and make a permanent commitment to an intimate partner.

The Intimacy vs. Isolation conflict occurs in early adulthood. The developmental task of this stage is to establish intimate bonds of love and friendship. This psychological conflict involves individuals establishing intimate ties with others. If this is not completed individuals will remain in isolation.

Over time, research has proven that in order to have a secure intimate connection with someone, a person has to have a firm grasp on who they are as a person, or a firm identity. Dedication to beliefs and goals that are important to young adults set them up for later commitments once they hit early adulthood. Researchers have shown that love and loyalty in a relationship works best when the person has gained a positive and strong identity.

Aside from affecting partnership relationships, intimacy and isolation affects friendships and social ties as well. Young adults who have gained a sense of intimacy do not mind being alone but when put in social situations are understanding and open-minded with others. On the other hand, young adults who have not gained that intimate attitude and who have moved more towards isolation are not as accepting and do not form close bonds with others they come in contact with.


you know, the first person, the VERY first person popped into my mind is HIM. yeah, dfj! i was like, ooookaaaaayyyyyyyyyy what the hell.. why is everything must be about him?! WHY?!! WHYYYY?!!

all this theory-things made me more interested to him. made me more crazy in love with him. gahahaha! now i miss him..

///psst.. malam2 dihostel, boriing.. sapa mau call aku malam2? gagagagaga!!! internet lagi nada.. ada WAVE pun, selahau. ///

"i love you and i'm good at it. why deny my talent?"

One, Two, Three

First of all, i would like to thank Jeremy for making everything easy for me while i was away. He even helped me with the study, cell studies to be exact. He was able to lend a hand because the cell topics, according to him, are pieces of cake. Insanely genius. He may be genius, but he is still no match for my perfect beloved stranger, dfj. I haven't chat with Jeremy, in MSN, for a week now. exchanged emails only.

Secondly, i have finished reading Twilight New Moon. bought it on Monday and finished at Friday. I want to read the third one, Eclipse. anybody wants to give it to me for free? =D i know i'll be thankful. I realized that the book and the movie aren't going to be same. From what i've read, in the New Moon movie unofficial script, there's going to be Victoria bugging Bella, which was not happened in the book. Victoria will be disguising as Bella's schoolmate and she's trying to kill Bella at school. And in the end of the movie, one of Jacob Black's wolf friend will be killed in the battle against Victoria. umm, i'm not sure.. i think i've mixed it up. this is what happened if you read too many books, you're confused.

Third, i want to buy True Blood series for i've missed some of the episodes. and buy me Kyle XY too, yeah? Bill Compton, is HOT! Sookie is AWESOME! compared to Twilight's Bella and Edward (by that i mean Pattinson and Stewart. Edward book version is loved.), Sookie and Bill rock! Sookie is strong, while Bella is plain idiot. Bill got hot fang, Edward got nothing which make him kinda girly when he stands beside all those bloodsuckers, nightly creatures. Sookie knows how to take care of herself, and doesn't need Bill to protect her while Bella, needs Edward to remind her occasionally not to fall. Bella is too idiot to be a human while Sookie is too strong to be a vampire's girlfriend. Bella and Edward have to avoid intimacy because Edward may crush her skull when he's high, while Bill and Sookie have no problem making love.

Fourth, i want to end this entry. =)

bye. thanks for reading.

Time Says It All

As the time passes by, we witnessed how:

1. Cleopatra and Marc Anthony

.. love each other so much that despite all the threats, Anthony and Cleopatra got married. Marc Anthony who went to a battle to defend Cleopatra's kingdom heard false news about Cleopatra's death and chose to end his life with his sword. Cleopatra, shocked, took her own life too. His strong love towards Cleopatra made he lost the battle and the price for their love were Cleopatra's kingdom.

2. Lancelot and Guinevere

.. defend their love which demanded their lives. Lancelot managed to escape but she wasn't lucky. She was seized and condemned to burn to death for her adultery. Sir Lancelot returned several days later to rescue his beloved Guinevere from the fire. This whole sad affair divided the Knights of the Round Table and weakened Arthur's kingdom. Poor Lancelot ended his days as a lowly hermit and Guinevere became a nun at Amesbury where she died.

3. Paris and Helena

.. stood for their love which caused Troy to be desTROYed. Paris abducted Helena from Sparta and brought her back to Troy. The Greeks assembled a great army, led by Menelaus's brother, Agamemnon, to retrieve Helen.

4. Jalaluddin Muhammad Akhbar and Joodha

.. became one even though Jalaluddin was a Muslim and Joodha was a Hindu. Jalaluddin, a Mughal emperor married a Hindu princess for alliances. Despite opposed by his people, he still stood by her.

They were powerful people who succumbed to the power of love. They lost everything, their kingdom, trust of their people. Yet, they stood for their love.

Why, he who has nothing to lose, not a kingdom nor weatlh, is afraid to love?
Why, he who is not required to face obstructions, not oppose by anyone nor battle against anyone,refused to be loved?
Why, he whose life is not in demand, not asked to drink poisonous wine nor be bitten by a poisonous snake, has a rock-hard heart?

Just Another Rant

I WANT A BOYFRIEND..

to say "i love you" to..
to say "i miss you" to..
to cuddle with..
to celebrate my birthday with..
to send a message to every night..
to send me a refreshing message every morning..
to ask me whether i feel okay when i'm sick..
to tell me what i do is wrong..
to tell me that i am loved..
to tell me that i'm special..

Why I don't Have One?

because..
i'm too mean..
i'm too self-centered..
i'm too uglypessimist..
i have a huge ego..

and

i want nobody, nobody but HIM.

sigh.



i think i'm sick.

i love imperfections.
i don't want what others want. i hate what others love, i love what others hate.

i think i have a thing for bald mysterious man who have good aim when shooting heart.

i think i'm sadistic.
i laugh when i see blood. i laugh at violence. i laugh when i see bloody scenes.

i think i like a man Hitman. =S

i don't understand why a hot bald mysteriously quiet guy like Hitman would fall in love that easy to a normal girl. he supposed to be in love with a girl that is in his league, that has a good aim, that can run fast, that can deploy a c4. not with a girl who cried when she heard shots, shrieked when she watched blood and ask for a foreplay when he's in a middle of gunfights.

i don't understand why a genius and again, mysteriously quiet guy like Zhan Shi De/007 would fall in love that easy to an awfully annoying girl like Tian Mo Xing/Lin Xiao Xing. not only she has loud piercing voice when she speaks, she is also terribly stupid. not to mention she is short when she stands beside him.

i don't understand why an arrogant and yes, mysteriously quiet guy like Fitzwilliam Darcy would fall in love that easy to a rebellious girl like Elizabeth Swan.

i don't understand why it's hard for me to be even his friend. i don't understand why it's hard for me to move on. i don't understand why i love him when i barely know him. i don't understand why mentioning his name makes me happy.

i don't understand what's the point of doing this entry.

p/s: don't ask me to "try to do what he loves." you mean skate? ah yes. i tried, and thanks to "what he loves", i could never wear short pants ever again. why?

BECAUSE THERE IS A BIG FUCKING UGLY SCAR AT MY KNEE.

what did i get in turn? nothing. so don't ask me to try it again. i don't want another ugly scar.

heartache

DAMN HEARTACHE.

i miss him.

i love him.

i long for him.

i want to see him.

you probably notice this entry was posted early in the morning.
i woke up and just realized how i miss him. (though i miss him everyday)

dfj.

both poison and antidote.

Bothering

Man Dies in Skateboard Accident
June 24, 2009

LANSING - A 36-year old man was killed in a freak skateboard accident after he hit his head on the concrete while attempting a jump.

Paul Maxim was rushed to the hospital after suffering severe head injuries from the fall. Maxim died days after the accident.

Maxim was pronounced brain dead on Saturday and he was taken off life support Sunday.
Reports say that Maxim was trying to do some type of maneuver when he collided with another skateboarder and fell on the ground.

Witnesses say that Maxim was not wearing a helmet at the time of the accident.

source: here


i read this and it hits me hard.
suddenly, i think of him.

is he wearing helmet? is he skating safely? will he end up like that? i know he's a pro (and whatever, i don't care), he should know how to control / reduce the damage (as if), but WHAT IF? can somebody warn him to skate safely? pretty please?



update:



just ended webcam session with fiqah, hafiz's sister.

she insisted.

because she wanted to show off her new polo shirt WHICH I WAS DYING TO ORDER. damn hafiz. =_= kalau aku tejumpa ia, i swear i will kill him!

Another One.

Told abang what happened to me. below are his views of things.

I said,
“he doesn’t want me to be near him. I think lah.”

Abang said,
“If he refused to be your guy, or even friend, its his lost. I don’t see anything wrong in you; you’re the most wonderful girl, you’re my sister. He’s blind, he doesn’t know you . ”

I said,
“there, that’s the problem. I am your sister, that’s why you said all those things about me. he, on the other hand, is not. He saw my flaws, and it might freak the hell out of him. Sis Keena said I’m creepy.”

Abang said,
“you accept his flaws and yours FREAKING HIM OUT? What the hell? I want to meet this guy, really. And what’s creepy about you? did you stalk him dengan camera? I don’t see why he should think you’re creepy. Did you try to overdose yourself and make a suicide note? I think, still okay jua. ”

I said,
“You think he’s eccentric, thus seeing it as his flaws. I don’t. He might not see it as his flaws either.”

Abang said,
“refused to be with people, freaked out by the girl who loves him, seriously? He should be thankful. I don’t understand why you like such guy. He’s not worth to die for. He can’t even appreciate, for the love of god. Get over him.”

I said,
“not helping. I managed to love him for two years, WITHOUT even talking to him. What do you expect? This is entirely mate’s fault. He should fix this.”

Abang said,
“yeah, I see your problem now. You’re damn stubborn. What else can you do? Wait for him? Ahh give me a break! I tell you, no matter what you do, it will not soften him. He can’t see. He can’t think. This is suicide. He’s not the one who killed you. It’s you.”

I said,
“yeah. Damn stubborn. I see that too.”

Abang said,
“excuse me, are you sure he’s not gay?”

I said,
“HE IS NOT. I think. Entah.. Pretty sure he isn’t lah. Tapi I did think pasal atu with arip dulu.. entah ah..”

Abang said,
“nah, his actions said it. I wonder how it feels to be in love with a gay. Padantah ia inda mau.. rupanyaa..”

I said,
“this conversation is so over.”


What made me laugh the most was arip’s suggestion.

“kenapakan kau ani? Mun banci gtau banci wah. Inda payah ko menyakitkan hatiku catu. Buduh banar.”

Something like that. Talor tu. Hahahahahaha! Aku imagine mukaku time cakap catu arah ia.

“yang kau emosi kenapa? Heran ku eh. Marah2 macam bab* kesadakan ani. Inda payah mental mcm p**i ayam.”
“elek saja.. lama2 besa 2..”

Bloodshed.

JEREMY GAVE MY PASSWORD BACK, THANK GOD.

sadly, i haven't repair my laptop yet, so i won't be updating this as frequent as i used to.

and i'm a bit heartbroken.

meanwhile, i present you, a new skin by toomunch, one of the greater among the greatest skinner.

-_- bollocks. (i lost my mind, don't bother.)

dear dfj:

you,

heartlessly walk away from me..

you,

killed me with just an action,

a single action,

what have i done to deserve such hatred?

such coldness?

what is it that,

betrayed me?

disqualifies me?

one chance is all i ask..

just one chance..

no,

i'm the undead,

shoot me, stab me,

i will rise again,

to haunt you,

because,

unconditional love is my power

patience is my strength,

and if i have to wait,

another year, even century,

i will.

for now,

i just want,

to express my greatest,

gratitude,

for the torments,

pains and cuts,

i have received,

exclusively from you,

my love.

yeah. what a crappy, shitty, bullshit, bollock poem. i made this in like, three minutes only.

so don't judge me. i just want to write what i felt AT THE VERY MOMENT.

damn, aku rasa kan tumbuk ia saja awal ani, banar.. sakit hati ku ihhhhhhh.

-_____-

update cerita ku since aku boring berabis..

i thought the poem was short. it's one hell of a poem rupanya.. it was meant to be short pulang. bah bagi arah taylor swift. buat lagu. since kami selalu relate. HAHAHA. i don't understand why dalam movie, it seems easy to get the guy you liked. in my case, it is damn hard. leena's right, it's hard to be with someone who repels anything (everything). yet i still want him. i want himmmmmm and him! i want nobody, nobody but you, nya si __. something's wrong with me. i'm pretty certain there's something wrong. who would possibly let happiness go and pursue a misery instead? i tried to avoid cussing when i talk about this. but i can't. fucked up. i swore to stop blogging about him, i can't. head is packed with his name. everything i do, i do it for you~ yeoh sialan. he made me say some ridiculous stuffs i have never said before. like, dari hati ke hati lah, ingin difahami lah. totally disgusting. that is not me. arip knew this well. kambang buluku ih. bah sudah tah complain saja ani. inda jua ia faham. YATAH AKU MAHU DIFAHAMI. eseh. entah eh. fuck you. ia inda jua baca ni kan? i'm free to write about anything. jgn saja mention fullnamenya. karang appear arah search engine. mana tau ada fool yg type namanya arah search engine (MACAM AKU JUA.. talor.).. why can't he see my love? WHYY? why can't he appreciate me? is this some sort of fucking karma? kali jua ah. karma kali. I HAVE BEEN INVISIBLY LOVING YOU FOR FUCKING TWO YEARS WAH BABI. PAHAM KO KA? tumbuk ko karang eh inda pandai paham ani. tapi ada urang atu suka aku 5 tahunss udah. kesian dia.. sorry lai, aku suka urang lain sudah. =) i believe aku kata "BAH SUDAH" kan tadi? banyak ceritaku ni ah. becakap sorang2 ani siuk wah. =__=

Bubbles

I have always dreamt of marrying an Einstein, or Frankenstein. A weird person. That’d explain why I love him. Maybe.

As couple, we don’t meet each other very often, yet our hearts belong to each other. We hardly talk, yet we think about each other. Isn’t it interesting? Besides, I don’t like to go out and meet people. Confidence problem.

And all of a sudden, we married. How did we marry? It’s a private ceremony attended by our closed ones. Forget the fact that I dreamt of lavish ceremony.

As newlywed, we live different lives. We have our honeymoon but we stay in different hotel rooms. We go separate ways, we visit different places alone. By the end of the day, we meet and talk about our days. Then we go back to our rooms. We only make love once a week, just to fulfill our jobs as spouses.

And by luck we have two children. Our children don’t talk to each other just like us the parents. But we do love our family. We dine together and watch TV together, silently. Damn interesting!

One word: TALOR!!!
Okay, stop laughing! It’s my bubble, let me live in my interesting bubble. I’d rather live in my bubble forever. This reminds me of one song.

I'm forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high
They reach the sky
And like my dreams they fade and die
Fortune's always hiding, I've looked everywhere
I'm forever blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air.
United! United

Love made us stupid, no? When I was cleaning my bathroom, suddenly he popped up in my mind.

Do you realize that my previous entries were all about him? Yeah. I can’t help it.
Dream like you die tomorrow. -_-

p/s: I was asked to attend a science and maths test for midwifery. So nervous. I am stupid in maths, and he is a genius. Can I ask him to teach me? (merely an excuse to think about him a while.) and by the way, if people ask me where do I study, I shall say, “UBD, Institute of Medicine.” Yes, like Jeremy! Yeah! Jeremy had been teaching me human anatomy. Thank you darling! Why midwifery you ask? Because I want to continue my family legacy! Okay, that was a bit exaggerating. My mum is a midwife and six of my aunties are nurses. So yes. Ecstatic!


"buleh putarkan lagu?"
"inda bah inda! kau ani pemajal ah. menelipun dua tiga kali sejam."
"putarkan bah."
"bah eh lagu apa?"
"jit jit semut sapa sakit naik atas."
"fuck off."

Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's just so funny
I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar laptop
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car bathroom I keep singing
Don't know why I do

Drew walks by me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky 'cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar laptop
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car bathroom I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep tonight

'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see

DFJ

Helo! I’m blogging using my desktop. And it feels weird. It has been so long since I last using it. Well I bought my baby laptop, Dess I named it, just 5 months after I bought this desktop and abandoned it 2 months after I got used to my baby Dess. The Microsoft Word is so different. Sigh. I miss my Dess.

Okay, what did I miss?
1. Hmm.. Michael Jackson, or also known as Mikael died. Al Fatihah for him.

2. Perez Hilton punched by Will.I.Am of Black Eyed Peas, which I said served him right. Perez is a real faggot who has been abusing people verbally, yet he still got face to say, “Violence is never an answer.” If I were Will.I.Am, I would have chopped his hand so that he won’t be able to insult people in his blog anymore.

3. aku menyamal pasal inda kana bawa liat transformer 2, but its okay now. Cool.

And yesterday, a big thing happened.

Thanks to areef the mate, I got DFJ’s email. I love you forever mate! Thank you!

The thing is, when he told me to add the sacred email, many questions popped into my head.

What if he rejects my email?
What if he doesn’t want to be my friend?
What if he hates me?
What if he ignores me?
What if he has a girlfriend already?

The bestfriends said,
He won’t reject your email.
What he has against you?
Why would he hate you?
Why would he ignore?
That is another story. You have to make the first move first, we will think about that later.

These are my answers:
What makes you think he won’t?
I’m a stranger, and people like him (probably) hate strangers.
I emerged from nowhere, he barely even know me, and I added him? What will he think? It’s like adding Jake Gyllenhaal’s email and force him to talk to you. why would he talk to you, huh, stranger?
Why wouldn’t he? It’s like adding Barrack Obama’s email, why would he wants me to be in his contact list? I ain’t Miss World, I ain’t President’s daughter. I am nobody and he is somebody (at least that what’s I think of him.)
Better safe that sorry. I don’t want to be accused a boyfriend-snatcher anymore.

I am a pessimist, darn pessimistic. I am a coward.
I lost my pride once, I lost my pride twice, and I will make sure there is no third time. I have never felt this way. I am an onion peel, so fragile that by one gentle touch, I will be destroyed forever. You might find this hilarious, but for me, the one who felt this anguish since a year and months ago, it certainly isn’t. I gave up chances of happiness (sorry you guys) for a dream of impossibility. Hopelessness.

p/s: if you want to tell me to forget him, sure, if you can prove me that you can forget eating or drinking. Don’t drink and eat, or watch TV, or pee ever again. Can you do that? If you can’t, fuck off okay.

Dream In Nap, Intensely Emotive.

Before you read this entry, please set The Lima – Kau Ada Dia on your playlist. If you don’t have, kindly download it.

I had another dream last night.

(okay okay, I admit, I’m a dreamer. Stop judging me. I slept better than you. You’re just jealous. Shut up, jealous!)

Last night in the Group Chat Forevet (it’s the name of the club, not a typo) club, I disclosed that I missed someone, so much. Therefore, I need them to make me laugh which as usual, they succeed. And it is out of topic already.

Then I went to sleep..

I was at school, and he was there. We talked intimately, very warm.. we even jokes. I think I wasn’t his girlfriend in the dream because I asked him too many questions like when I saw the ring in his finger, I asked who gave him that, when a girl smiles at him, I asked who that is. Yeah, when I asked him about the ring, he said he bought it, and put the ring on my hand.

I don’t know why there is an extra house in front of mine, not counting my grandma’s, but in my dream, it was there and it was where he lived, seemingly. I met him, cuddled and everything.

And I don’t understand is what the hell happened to us at the end of my dream. We fought and he rushed to a street (and where does the street came from?) and I followed him. We got hit by a car and despite I bled heavily, I struggled to make my way to him and hold him. He fainted, I guess. Or was he dead? I don’t know.

And I woke up. Crying. I tried to sleep again, hoping that my dream will continue in hospital. Obviously it’s impossible.

This isn’t a joke. I really miss him. I miss him like crazy. I love him. Very ardently. I cannot bear this any longer. I miss him.

God, I beg You, please let me see him again. One second is enough. No, make it a minute. Make no mistake, I don’t want to meet him for I will die of suffocation. I couldn’t breathe when I walk by him. I just want to see him from afar.

If he happens to read this (which I strongly doubt actually), I love you. I don’t want to be some girl, I want to be THE girl. I don’t want to be the sky that you saw every day, I was there but you failed to notice me. Whatever your answer is, I will not be defeated.

And the closing theme for this entry is Invisible by Taylor Swift.


La Fin.

p/s: to someone (I think his name is Jeremy but not so sure. ) who kept whining how poor he is rejected, please lah. You’re getting on my nerves. Me poorer than you okay? At least, SHE knew how you feel, and she is still a friend to you. Me? I love someone who doesn’t even know me! I cannot stand rejection, which is why I never have guts to say. My love story is tragic. and if you really love me, please understand my situation.