Wedding and realization.

My brother's wedding ceremony was last night. I felt terribly bored. Pfft, not surprising, since I'd always find myself to be suicidal in an event that doesn't involve xbox. Seriously, I felt like I was gonna throw myself on the road and let cars hit me. Usually when I'm at function like this, Macchu would always be at home, and we'll talk via MSN, him on his laptop, me on my phone. But last night, he was.. not available. Not to mention, Mali and I were on a bad term. Still are, actually. Disaster!

On our way to Jame' Asr Hassanal Bolkiah Mosque, where my brother's wedding was taken place at, we stopped by at gas station in Tutong. Guess what.... I saw Dixie's car! I was elated beyond words, and the very first thing on my mind was..... screaming to Macchu. Then I remembered, again, that he's not at home. *sigh

Then when my brother's gifts (Hantaran) from his wife, there's a big ALIENWARE box! I was entranced. I wanted to jump up and down, but I knew I had to control myself. I, for the second time now, wanted to scream at Macchu, which, for the second time, was not available. I thought about calling Mali, and again, we're not speaking. Pfft.

Then it hit me that I don't have other friends to talk to, when I'm joyous, or sad, or angry, other than Macchu and Mali. How did my world become so small?

Oh yeah, because I had severed all ties with my friends, because they don't genuinely care. At least that's what I thought. I know I don't. Boo! I'd been content living in solitude.

And with actually being in the ceremony, I realized that I don't see myself introducing anyone to my family anytime soon. Sure I see bringing Macchu, but he's a family, in a way. And perhaps Mali, as a friend. Never boyfriend.

Because the only guy I would bring, is the guy my brother does not approve of.

BOOOO!

I will never be able to forget him, will I?

Bastard. I hate you for having this kind of power over myself. Because of you, I lied to myself, every single day, that I'm not ready for commitments because I liked being single, when in all honesty, I feared that it will end up tearing me viciously apart, like you did. I hate you.