Tell me maybe.

You asked me, what was the best moments we shared that I cherish the most?

My answer shocked you because you were expecting the obvious. You should know by now, better than anyone else, that in this matter, I am nothing if not unpredictable.

It's not when you kissed me on the lips for the first time, relieved that all that pented up feelings you're afraid to tell me were actually mutual. It's not when you peck me on the cheek to show your appreciation for the little things I do. It's not when you tell everyone that you're single but had a hard times explaining my pillows in your car.

My second favorite moment was actually that one time when you kissed my wrists and palms, and say you're sorry, on our fight which was - in my opinion - over nothing, just me being my usual self-bitch.

Do you know why?

It showed you can handle me. You have ungodly amount of patience to deal with me, when anybody would love to smack the back of my head. You would never raise your voice and tell me to suck it.

I love you for that. I love you. I could say it million times if you like, but it would never change the fact that I'm not in love with you. You told me that one of my best traits that you love is my loyalty. I'm fiercely loyal, I'd say it's a blessing, if it's for the right people. Unfortunately it's not, not anymore, so it has become my undoing. I have no idea when it will fade and I'm worried.

I hugged you with the intention of letting you go. You're too special, I don't deserve you. I told you this, and I tried to pull away.. But you.. You tighten your grip and you mumbled into my hair,
''no. Tell me maybe. It's all I need for now..''

And that was the best moment I love the most.

Eric Johnson vs Eric Northman

It's hard to be faithful..I'm sorry.. I haven't exactly crossed the path yet, but someone else has been occupying my mind now.. I guess it's worse than actually cross the path, right? You said,, it's okay if you have 10 others to warm your bed at night, but to have your heart feels for one, that's not your lover, it's painful.. I know.. I'm so sorry.. I didn't mean to do that..

But what can I do, he's as hot.. He's a detective.

And you wanna know what else is fucked up?

His name is ERIC. Eric Johnson.

No, I'm not in love. Yes, he's been on my mind. But only that. I swear I don't love him. How can I love someone that's not you? You're still my number one..

Alexander Skarsgard.. He's a cop, but you're so much better.. You're a marine. You're taller.. You're yummier. Those eyes.. Yummy.

Kidding!!

Hey, a writer every now and then gotta have a wide imagination, right? But really. Eric Johnson is hot as hell. Second only to *my* Eric. *dreamy eyes*

Now where the fuck is my mate?! I haven't talked to him since.. Forever! Mate, where are you? I give you until Saturday, if you still won't come out from wherever you're hiding, I'm filing a missing person report! 

YOU THINK I'M FUNNY? HA! TRY ME!

Real Love - Massari

Serious. I love this song. 

Girl I'm going out of my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I guess I feel I'm running out of time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I'm watching you go, I'm watching you pass me by
Its real love, that you don't know about

Baby I was there all alone
When you be doing things, I would watch you
I picture you and me all alone
I'm wishing you was someone I can talk to
I gotta get you out of my head
But baby girl I gotta see you once again
Its real love, that you don't know about

Every now and then I go to sleep
I couldn't stop dreaming about you
Your love has got me feeling kind of weak
I really can't see me without you
And now you run around in my head
I'm never gonna let you slip away again
Its real love, that you don't know about

Every now and then when I want you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk with you
If I could have the chance to walk with you Then I would stop holding it in
I'd never have to go through this again
Its real love, that you don't know about

Today when I saw you alone
I know I had to come up and approach you
'Cause girl I really gotta let you know
All about the things you made me go through And now she looking at me in the eye
And now you got me hoping I ain't dreaming again
Its real love, that you don't know about

You're the one that I want
No one can take it from me
Even though I don't really know you
I got a lot of love I wanna show you And you be right there in front of me
I see you passing in front of me
No no girl I need your love
Baby I need your love



WaD. m

We were in your car, singing to this song. Looped.

Strange that I doubt the man I was with for months, but didn't doubt you, whom I only met two days prior. What we had was.. surreal.

I don't know if that's a real love but being with you was the best 2 weeks of my life.
My only regret was walking away.

Life's a bitch.

The Story Left Untold - Every Avenue



Everything you own
In a suitcase by the door
The words that keep you home
Are failing

Everything we take
Out in anger
Eventually we'll break
Down to answers
That are ringing in my head

Slow down
Take a deep breath
We can't give up tonight

Is it right to sit and watch this die?
We're slowly letting go
Like its better left alone
So erase the damages we've made
The story left untold is better than you know
Oh, is better than you know

Of all the nights we spent wrapped in blankets
The mattress on the floor we now hold sacred
You were my best friend

So much more to say
Suspended in the air
Between the truth and rights in place
Spilling over everything
Before you slip away
Before you slip away from me
Slow down

Is it right to sit and watch this die?
We're slowly letting go
Its better left alone
So erase the damages we've made
The story left untold is better than you know

Between You And I - Every Avenue



Would you believe me if I said I was sorry
The question wasn't mean to hurt,
It was just my fear of losing you.
And now you're filling all the space that surrounds you
I'll soon be tucked away underneath your bed
Where you gave yourself to me.
Where I gave myself to you.

Maybe it's all for the best,
But I just don't see any good in this, no.
Maybe we'll find something better
But the lovers that leave us
Will always hold the place

Maybe it was wrong of me to think I could keep you
And maybe it's the last few drinks
Taking over my mouth and all I've been thinking
I want you to know that I am fine here without you
But I can't bring myself to lie to you.
And since we're being honest, I feel I should tell you
I've been filling up the empty space between you and I

Between you and I, she could never compare to you
Between you and I, I still keep your pictures underneath my bed
Where she gives herself to me.
Where I give myself to you.

Maybe it's all for the best,
But I just don't see any good in this, no.
Maybe we'll find something better
But the lovers that leave us
Will always hold the place

___________________________

The one I do love, doesn't love me. But the one I don't, does. Life's unfair.

I love you, and he loves me. Never once did he hurt me. On the contrary, he was there when I needed some support.

I don't know what to do. But I do know that I don't ever want to hurt him. He's been an angel.

Maybe we need to tone it down a bit. Give it some time. I don't know!!!!

Time Says It All

As the time passes by, we witnessed how:

1. Cleopatra and Marc Anthony

.. love each other so much that despite all the threats, Anthony and Cleopatra got married. Marc Anthony who went to a battle to defend Cleopatra's kingdom heard false news about Cleopatra's death and chose to end his life with his sword. Cleopatra, shocked, took her own life too. His strong love towards Cleopatra made he lost the battle and the price for their love were Cleopatra's kingdom.

2. Lancelot and Guinevere

.. defend their love which demanded their lives. Lancelot managed to escape but she wasn't lucky. She was seized and condemned to burn to death for her adultery. Sir Lancelot returned several days later to rescue his beloved Guinevere from the fire. This whole sad affair divided the Knights of the Round Table and weakened Arthur's kingdom. Poor Lancelot ended his days as a lowly hermit and Guinevere became a nun at Amesbury where she died.

3. Paris and Helena

.. stood for their love which caused Troy to be desTROYed. Paris abducted Helena from Sparta and brought her back to Troy. The Greeks assembled a great army, led by Menelaus's brother, Agamemnon, to retrieve Helen.

4. Jalaluddin Muhammad Akhbar and Joodha

.. became one even though Jalaluddin was a Muslim and Joodha was a Hindu. Jalaluddin, a Mughal emperor married a Hindu princess for alliances. Despite opposed by his people, he still stood by her.

They were powerful people who succumbed to the power of love. They lost everything, their kingdom, trust of their people. Yet, they stood for their love.

Why, he who has nothing to lose, not a kingdom nor weatlh, is afraid to love?
Why, he who is not required to face obstructions, not oppose by anyone nor battle against anyone,refused to be loved?
Why, he whose life is not in demand, not asked to drink poisonous wine nor be bitten by a poisonous snake, has a rock-hard heart?

Just Another Rant

I WANT A BOYFRIEND..

to say "i love you" to..
to say "i miss you" to..
to cuddle with..
to celebrate my birthday with..
to send a message to every night..
to send me a refreshing message every morning..
to ask me whether i feel okay when i'm sick..
to tell me what i do is wrong..
to tell me that i am loved..
to tell me that i'm special..

Why I don't Have One?

because..
i'm too mean..
i'm too self-centered..
i'm too uglypessimist..
i have a huge ego..

and

i want nobody, nobody but HIM.

sigh.



i think i'm sick.

i love imperfections.
i don't want what others want. i hate what others love, i love what others hate.

i think i have a thing for bald mysterious man who have good aim when shooting heart.

i think i'm sadistic.
i laugh when i see blood. i laugh at violence. i laugh when i see bloody scenes.

i think i like a man Hitman. =S

i don't understand why a hot bald mysteriously quiet guy like Hitman would fall in love that easy to a normal girl. he supposed to be in love with a girl that is in his league, that has a good aim, that can run fast, that can deploy a c4. not with a girl who cried when she heard shots, shrieked when she watched blood and ask for a foreplay when he's in a middle of gunfights.

i don't understand why a genius and again, mysteriously quiet guy like Zhan Shi De/007 would fall in love that easy to an awfully annoying girl like Tian Mo Xing/Lin Xiao Xing. not only she has loud piercing voice when she speaks, she is also terribly stupid. not to mention she is short when she stands beside him.

i don't understand why an arrogant and yes, mysteriously quiet guy like Fitzwilliam Darcy would fall in love that easy to a rebellious girl like Elizabeth Swan.

i don't understand why it's hard for me to be even his friend. i don't understand why it's hard for me to move on. i don't understand why i love him when i barely know him. i don't understand why mentioning his name makes me happy.

i don't understand what's the point of doing this entry.

p/s: don't ask me to "try to do what he loves." you mean skate? ah yes. i tried, and thanks to "what he loves", i could never wear short pants ever again. why?

BECAUSE THERE IS A BIG FUCKING UGLY SCAR AT MY KNEE.

what did i get in turn? nothing. so don't ask me to try it again. i don't want another ugly scar.

DFJ

Helo! I’m blogging using my desktop. And it feels weird. It has been so long since I last using it. Well I bought my baby laptop, Dess I named it, just 5 months after I bought this desktop and abandoned it 2 months after I got used to my baby Dess. The Microsoft Word is so different. Sigh. I miss my Dess.

Okay, what did I miss?
1. Hmm.. Michael Jackson, or also known as Mikael died. Al Fatihah for him.

2. Perez Hilton punched by Will.I.Am of Black Eyed Peas, which I said served him right. Perez is a real faggot who has been abusing people verbally, yet he still got face to say, “Violence is never an answer.” If I were Will.I.Am, I would have chopped his hand so that he won’t be able to insult people in his blog anymore.

3. aku menyamal pasal inda kana bawa liat transformer 2, but its okay now. Cool.

And yesterday, a big thing happened.

Thanks to areef the mate, I got DFJ’s email. I love you forever mate! Thank you!

The thing is, when he told me to add the sacred email, many questions popped into my head.

What if he rejects my email?
What if he doesn’t want to be my friend?
What if he hates me?
What if he ignores me?
What if he has a girlfriend already?

The bestfriends said,
He won’t reject your email.
What he has against you?
Why would he hate you?
Why would he ignore?
That is another story. You have to make the first move first, we will think about that later.

These are my answers:
What makes you think he won’t?
I’m a stranger, and people like him (probably) hate strangers.
I emerged from nowhere, he barely even know me, and I added him? What will he think? It’s like adding Jake Gyllenhaal’s email and force him to talk to you. why would he talk to you, huh, stranger?
Why wouldn’t he? It’s like adding Barrack Obama’s email, why would he wants me to be in his contact list? I ain’t Miss World, I ain’t President’s daughter. I am nobody and he is somebody (at least that what’s I think of him.)
Better safe that sorry. I don’t want to be accused a boyfriend-snatcher anymore.

I am a pessimist, darn pessimistic. I am a coward.
I lost my pride once, I lost my pride twice, and I will make sure there is no third time. I have never felt this way. I am an onion peel, so fragile that by one gentle touch, I will be destroyed forever. You might find this hilarious, but for me, the one who felt this anguish since a year and months ago, it certainly isn’t. I gave up chances of happiness (sorry you guys) for a dream of impossibility. Hopelessness.

p/s: if you want to tell me to forget him, sure, if you can prove me that you can forget eating or drinking. Don’t drink and eat, or watch TV, or pee ever again. Can you do that? If you can’t, fuck off okay.

Love Is Not All Around

regarding to my previous post, i just found out that couple is not our (Islam) culture. so i've made up my mind, once again. since i dont have anybody on my mind at the moment, i've decided to not couple. ahaha. i have decided to REMAIN SINGLE until somebody step into my life. somebody special, i mean. not just another guy who just want to have fun. this decision is made also because i'm confused and i need to rest a little more longer. so, my determination this year will be NO MORE BOYFRIEND FOR ME. yes, this is it. i will be married to someone by 2017. hahahahaha apakan. okay that was joking. if there is really someone God has created for me, then i will accept my faith blindly. AHAHAHA. again, a joke. here's some poems i remembered, and loved:

~

I'm tired of your coldness every time when I'm right here.

I'm not precious.

Whatever I do, it's always bad.

I can be only meaningless person.

Love can't go across a divided gap,

Though we're close to each other,

it seems so distant.

And in my heart, it's so lonely.

Before the flower will fall, the last petal will wither,

please open your heart for me just once.

Before it's too late, don't let love fade away.

Can you please open the path for love...

just once?

I don't know what wrong I am.

I don't understand why he doesn't love me.

I hope someday, he will know...

how beautiful love is.

~

I want to know how true love is.
I want to know how we can find love and when it happens.
I want to know if people like me
Can find true love.
And for how long...
that I have to wait for someone...
who will come to release solitude and uncertainty...
of a person who's so tired?
And for how long until the day...
When that person will see my value?
When will he walk into my life?

~

Maybe it's because heaven assign us,

Maybe it's because of the destiny,

that scripted and destined us to be bound.

Maybe it's because something inspire me to do wrong,

that I made you cry

and I have never thought...

how much I hurt someone.

I just want to turn back time..

I want to make amends for everything.

For the thing that people like me...

have ever made a mistake, can you forgive me?

From now on, in every ways...

and everything...

I will be with the truth that still goes forward.

I hope it will not be too late...

with my breath that I have left.

I don't know what blinds me

and make me lost my way.

When I turn to see in the past, I know how wrong I am.

The pictures of you and me

Everything that you gave me.

The place where we walked together.

Let it be just the past in the box that was left behind.

I pretend to forget about it, but why...

it's not better.

Because just closing my eyes,

I still always see you.

There're not any night
that I can forget who I still love.

If I use my head to remember anything, I may be able to forget you.

But I use my heart to memorize everything about us.

No matter how hard I try,

what I can do is just leave everything around me.

I want to leave you far away

but my love is more deep-rooted in my heart every time.

What can I do to wake up

from the night that I dream that I still have you.

although in the fact, I don't have.

What can I do, so that I can forget you.

so much for my happy ending.

Jealousy Is Not Good for Your Health

masa aku jalan di.. jalan2, aku nampak sesuatu.. eh lelaki, ko LAME. bull**** ko ni.. terima tah urg nda mau kau bah. kalah-kalahan uu. nada urg caya cakapmu ni. sadang tah kan ngacau.. sian kawanku ahaha. nasihatku, mun kana putuskan leh bf/gf kamu, jangan tah dibuat cani. nda guna2.. nda jua ya balik sma kamu tuu. nampak bah mcm kanak2 masih.. mun ulah cani, partner mana mau..? cubatah mature sikit.. mun sayang masih, tackle la balik. ambil masa, muhasabah diri.. liat apa yg salah.. baiki semula.. mun banar berusaha, Tuhan nda kan biarkan tu.. Tuhan suka urg berusaha, pastu bru tawakal. usaha ni tangga kejayaan.. bukan kan naik elevator/escalator saja. nda sihat tu. lampuh krg. mun mau, smua bleh jadi..

nasib bahh aku nda kana canii. exku okay sikit. ganya penyindir huhu.. tapi nda suma lah.. eh ni bahh. aku terasa something lah.. hari tuu, aku TER tau, yg ada salah seorang ex ku (yeoh macam luan banyak lahh, and jgn prasan ah), ada ura2 kan cari gf baruu.. aku tau lah macam lama udah kami putus and slama atu ia nda pnah ada gf.. apparently ia tunggu aku katanya.. tapi udah ku tau sal atu kan, lain rasaku wah. macam sakit ati ada jua.. macam.. ntah haaaa.. sedih ada jua, happy ada jua, kan mnangis ada jua, kn bteriak ada jua, kan mnumbuk ada juaaa.. nda ku dpt explain eh. tapi nya c mate, tak tentu rasa.. napa plg ku rasa catuu? spatutnya happy lah, maybe ia dpt gf yg lebih baik dari aku. TAPI aku takut jua ia dapat gf baru yg way more better than aku. tapi confirm lagi baik la tu.. sal mun aku baik, nda tia kami putus.. pasal aku yg quitted on him. aku yg dumped ia dulu, pasal aku sangal (kali?). bkn ia yg mau.. ntah le. andangnya ka ni myzah? ahh myzah?! dlm byk2 bf ku ah.. mcm jarang saja ku rasa cani.. gila kali niii udah. mcm selfish jua aku nii. macam, ia sma bini2 lain nda bleh, aku sma lelaki lain bleh.. TAPI aku nada rasa pun mau sma sapa2 just yet. alum lagi ku mau sama sapa2 masa ni. ada kali. ahaha ntah ah.. andangnya kali.. pasal ia dulu nada kawan bni2 bah (sal ia pendiam). aku saja yg rapat brabis sma ia.. and ia bagi attention arah aku sorang saja. kali jua sal atu ah.. TAPI nda patut wa aku cani. aku bukan selfish banarnya. err. adalah sikit.. mustahil jua nada, slagi namanya manusia.. tapi yg penting, nda patut lahh. bdusa jua selfish ani.. napa ya banar ahh. slahau. aku harap aku nda jadi macam ex si kawan lah.. menghon rumah urg tangah2 malam, mencari email, menyumpah2, stalking, expose number sendiri. psyco udah tu. cronic udah ahaha. ani kali rasa ex si kawan. aku paham. mudahan jua ku nda hilang akal ahh mate. ko nasihat2 saja aku. liat2 kan okay? mun teruk udah rasanya, ko antak saja ku. daup ka. sukati mu lah. yg penting aku nda mau jadi macam ex si kawan....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ORANG BILANG - WALI BAND

Kamu bilang padaku

Bahwa kamu benar sayang

Kau bilang aku

Kau akan selalu sayang

Dan kamu bilang

Aku cinta kamu sayang

Kamu bilang padaku

Bahwa kamu benar cinta

Kau bilang aku

Kau akan selalu cinta

Dan kamu bilang

Aku sayang kamu cinta

Tapi orang bilang

Katanya kamu enggak sayang

Orang bilang

Katanya kamu enggak cinta

Orang bilang

Tentang kamu orang bilang

Sekarang kamu bilang

Bahwa kamu paling sayang

Sekarang bilang

Bahwa kamu paling cinta

Sekarang bilang

Aku siap mati sayang…

LUPAKAN AKU - KERISPATIH

Selama aku... mencintaimu

Takkan pernah kuberhenti melindungimu

Mungkin caraku... yang tak sempurna

Slalu saja membuat dirimu gelisah

Tak tau mengapa...

Batin ini tak mampu lepas darimu

Maafkan aku bila ku mengekangmu

Lupakan aku, bila itu membuatmu

Takkan terpuruk, oleh cinta dariku

Lupakan aku, meski cinta tlah terjalin

Semakin dalam...

Dan membuat kitaTak mampu berpisah

TAK PANTAS MEMILIKI - NAFF

Aku yang melukaimu

Mengiris hatimu

Titiskan air matamu

Maafkan aku

Ampuni aku

Aku tak bisa menjaga

Rasa cintaku

Setiaku kepadamu

Usap perihmu

Lupakanlah aku

Aku tak pantas memiliki

Menyayangi

Mengasihi dirimu

Aku tak ingin lagi kau terluka

Mencintaiku

Kini diujung asaku

Disepanjang hidupmu

Kuingin engkau bahagia

Tanpa diriku ada disampingmu

Ibu ku Yang Cantik

Ibu,
Sembilan bulan kau membawaku,
sembilan bulan kau menjaga ku,
sedari aku seketul daging,
hingga berbentuk seorang manusia..

ibu,
sakitnya kau tidak terperi,
ibarat maut berkunjung,
kau taruhkan nyawamu,
kau abaikan orang kesayanganmu,
hanya untuk aku,
untuk ku melihat maya ini.

Ibu,
Kau berikan ku yang terbaik,
mengekang mata kala ku sakit,
membanting tulang empat kerat,
hanya untuk sesuap nasi,
untukku mengalas perut.

Ibu,
Aku kini telah dewasa,
Telah ku lihat dunia ini,
Dunia yang kejam..
Aku mengerti,
Andai kau diberikan kuasa,
Akan kau letakkan aku,
Di dunia ciptaanmu,
Yang tiada kesakitan
Dan tiada kejahatan.

Ibu,
Maafkan salahku,
untuk tidak membalas jasa,
Namun apa dayaku,
Walau seribu emas permata,
Walau sejuta intan mutiara,
Tidak dapat membayar
Tidak dapat menggalas
pengorbanan mu pada ku.

Ibu,
Akan ku pastikan,
Walau sebesar zarah pun,
Walau sekelumit rasa pun,
Tidak akan kau sesali,
Kesakitanmu,
Keperitanmu,
Untuk melahirkan aku,

Terima kasih Ibu.

aku buat ni sal tadi mamaku kata arah aku,

"ko liat esuk saja bh. mama pun kn mliat ceta cina jua.. ko dari tadi udah.."

aku saaaaaaaayang mamaku sal ceta atu NADA ULANGANNYA!!!!!!!

time yg ada ulangan, nda ya mau mliat. tkana yg nada ulangan, kn mliat tia.. sayangggggg bnr..

True Love.

Ada sorang lelaki buta. Semua orang bencikan dia, kecuali kekasihnya. Lelaki itu selalu berkata, “Saya akan mengahwini awak di saat saya boleh melihat.” Suatu hari, ada orang dermakan mata kepada lelaki itu. Akhirnya dapat juga lelaki itu melihat. Dengan segera, dia pergi menemui kekasihnya. Tetapi, bila dia melihat kekasihnya, dia merasa sungguh terkejut kerana kekasihnya juga buta.

Kekasihnya bertanya, “Sudikah awak berkahwin dengan saya sekarang?” Tanpa sebarang alasan, lelaki itu menolak. Kekasihnya tersenyum dan berlalu pergi sambil berkata. “Tolong jaga mata saya baik-baik…”