Joshua Evans

00.45.00 to the end was hilarious!

.."Moslems" - someone who oppresses someone else... 
..were people who worshiped a munga named Allah.. 
..can have 4 wives.. divorce one, get three more.. 
..Chapter about Jihad.. Moslems were allowed to kill non-moslems at anytime anyplace without discretion and it was an honorable act. Not only would they go to heaven, they get 7 diversions on the way. 
..I close the book, put it on the shelf. Thanks but no thanks, if I ever  see a Moslem, I am out.
..I didn't know he was Muslim because he was an African-American. In the book, it said Muslims were Arabs..
..You know, I thought Muslims were running around marry women as many as he wants and killing non-muslims. I didn't know they could also be a part-time drug-dealer..

And then, the story about his first time in a mosque during a Jumaah. He thought it was a set up. That his friend, the one that led him there, was probably in the same situation as him, probably made a deal with those Muslims to get out, as long as he brought another American, trick them into the mosque so those Muslim can do their Jihad after the Jumaah and get the 7 diversions.
He even calculated how many people were there between him and the exit. Then he thought the imam was talking about him in the mimbar.

This guy Joshua, is good..



Uh. He looks like Seann William Scott with jubah. jubah cakap english apa ret?

Oi mate! Thank you for introducing us. Sekalinya sampai tidur pukul 3 lalu semalam. Then hari ani aku cari lagi. memajal. Mucho gracias amigo!

Bwehehehehe! How refreshing to watch a good-looking man doing dakwah. Not sleepy. Bwahahahahaa! Muhd Yusha. Bweeeheheheeh!

I've never felt more Muslim. yeoh SOOODAH ATUUUUUUUUUUU~~~ 

Cemanakan download lagu ani? Cuba kau click link ani. Every Avenue - I Forgive You inda ku pandai download yg cemani ani... 
HAHAHAHAHAH BOLLOCKS.

You're a dead meat!

To my dearest Afiq Amali,

Thanks for forcing me to meet your family which the progress you well knew I dreaded the most. 

Thanks for throwing a cat at me. I'm glad you think me screaming was funny.

Thanks for deceiving me into thinking there's no Milo in your mother's chocolate cake. That made me barfed my intestines out, but I'm glad that you enjoyed watching it.

Thanks for introducing me as your girlfriend to Aisyah, knowing that she'd hire a hitman or deploy a platoon of marines to hunt me down and kill me after this.

I entertained you, you said. Well I'm glad to be of service.

Your humble servant, 

Nes.

Afiq Fucking Amali, you'll pay for this! 

I'll enjoy tying you on a chair, slice you open bits by bits, and pour salt in the wounds. I'll enjoy pulling your nails out and break your fingers. One by one. I'll enjoy skinning you alive.  I'll bath in your blood and make your screaming my fucking ring tone! Seriously, you'll regret the day you were born.

Just remember this! 

MARK MY WORDS!

Relationship turn-offs, IMO.

Biggest turn offs in my life dictionary.

10. Too beautiful

I’m terribly insecure and I do not trust easily, so it wouldn’t be good if I keep on wondering whether or not he attracts another every single day. I want him to be just beautiful enough for me to look at. ;p

9. Too stupid

If I have to explain every word I’m using, every matter I’m talking, then it’ll be best if I am to be his teacher instead of girlfriend.

8. Too brilliant

If he’s using words that Jane Austen, Bronte, even Shakespeare would think twice to use, and he’s having headache over world’s issues, then he better off my porch before I took out my M4A1. Even worse if he's a know-it all. Ay amigo, that deserves head shot.

7. Too similar

I hate cats, he dislike them too. I love literature novels, oh his bookshelves (plural, mind you!) are full of them, I’m crazy about Alexander Skarsgard and his wall is practically posters and pictures of him. In a nutshell, he’s my mirror. You’d be out of your mind if you love your own reflection.

6. Too “different”

He watches Korean dramas, listens to Bieber, worshipped the gay Cullens, a Liverpool fan and stupid Manchester United’s hater at that, wears skinny jeans and is into those labels like emos, punk etc. But if he drinks Milo when we’re together, oh la la mon ami, you just signed your death warrant.

5. Too free

Calls me every 10 minutes, messages me every 5, flood my facebook message and hotmail inbox. Basically, he needs me 24/7. Oy I understand if you can’t get enough of me and misses me even though we just parted 3 seconds ago after spending time together for more than 5 hours, but I. Fucking. Need. Personal. Space. My world doesn’t revolve around you.

4. Too busy

Ah-uh. I don’t want you all over me, but it would be nice if you don’t ignore me for 3 days straight. You’re working? Oh but why does (insert name) can squeeze some of his working hours to text me? 5 minutes of texting is fine by me, just DON’T IGNORE ME ALLTOGETHER, pendejo! I’m your partner, not some call girls that you can come to when you only need your dick wet. ;p

3. Too quiet

We’ve been here. I want quiet guys, not mutes.

2. Too friendly

AHA! Everywhere we go, there’s always girls approaching. Whatever we do, there’s always paparazzi. You think he treated you the way he does because you’re special, but no, he does that to everybody. There’s no way to differentiate between his exclusive girlfriend and his merely girl-friends. I mean, other than him saying that I am. Pfftt!

1. Too serious

Jokes are not joke if I have to explain it. Another definite deal breaker. I’m laughing my ass off, but his response is merely, “lol.” LOL? Just fucking LOL? Get out of my house. He can’t even tell that I’m kidding. He just doesn’t get my jokes. GET. OUT.

All the small things

How can a small thing be so large in so little time? Can you actually believe this shit? This thing was so small back then, like you can effortlessly flying kick it, and then it got bigger in no time that you can barely reach its top? Un-fucking-believable. I'm telling the truth. This thing is amazing.

 

You see? The tiny thing in the middle? It's so effing small. Excuse me uncle, what thing is that? Where can you get things like that ah uncle? I want one. 

Selamat Hari Raya

I know I said this next entry will be about my ex. But I'm tired of talking about him. Enough already. Let's keep it a secret.


Meanwhile..

Happy celebrating Eid' Fitr to all Muslimin and Muslimah!