Happy Birthday

A/N: I have a huge writer's block so pardon me for not posting any these days. Besides, my life's good. May's finally here and Dead In The Family had been released! That's right, Viking Fever! However, I will still be slightly insane until I lay my hands on the book. I haven't had any chance to roam any bookstore. That's a shame, right? I really need the book! I've been patiently waiting and I will wait no more. Next, I can't wait for June. TRUE BLOOD SEASON 3! So today is a special day, one of my dearest hearts celebrated his birthday. I don't know why but I'm fond of poems, seriously. Okay then, here:

I didn't know how much you mean to me,
and I didn't know you really even cared.

I realized I was wrong.

I knew you had my heart.
But I did not know I had yours.

I realized my mistake.

I never meant to break it,
and if I could change what happened,

I know I would.

I want you to know I meant to harm,
I want you to know I never meant for it to end like this
For I am young and have a lot ahead of me
And sometimes I will make mistakes,
But they are never on purpose

you mean to much to me, to have you just fade away,
You see me lose touch with people,
But you’re someone I want to keep,
I don't want to see you leave.

This poem is for you,
To show I'm sorry,
To show I care,
But I know I will have to do
more than write a poem,
but for what it’s worth, I’m terribly sorry.


Happy birthday, ex-boyfriend.


A/N: If you got free time, please Google Clark Gable. He's my new interest! I wonder if there's still a Rhett Butler in this world. Gone With The Wind people? *heavy sigh*

Why did you come back?

A/N: I was entirely captivated by Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland. I told my dear friend, Areef, that my wish was that Alice and Mad Hatter/Tyrant kiss in the end. Wouldn't it be a perfect ending? That Hatter waited for Alice to return to Underland, only to find that she had forgotten all about him. Hatter waited for Alice to remember back and when she finally did, he told her that he had waited patiently. My friend's response? He laughed at me and said "What an interesting story you got my dear, but this isn't a love story." I was really mad. It was supposed to be fairytale, right? So it wasn't too much to ask for. So what did I do? Turned to Fan-Fiction.Net. It was MY heartbeat!! I found many alternate endings to the story, which was to my very liking. Alice and Tyrant Hightopp/Mad Hatter KISSED!


On one fine day when Eve’s heart still bursting with colors, she saw a letter placed on her writing desk in her room. She was curious because she’d never received any mail in her life. Observing the tidy writing on the outside, she rummaged through her brain. The handwriting was familiar but she couldn’t remember where she had seen it. Slowly, she tore the envelope. An old crumpled paper dropped out. She instantly recognized it. She prayed profusely that she was mistaken, and with trembling hands, she unfolded it.

Dear Adam,

I can’t say how thankful I am for your camaraderie, even though it only lasted for a while. How time has passed.. It felt as though it was just yesterday that we met, that we laughed and cried together. It’s time for me to go now. I can feel that lots of questions are going to accompany me as I walked out of the gate.

Such as..

Have I said or done something wrong?
Why are you doing this to me?
What was it that took your mind off me?
Am I that easy to be replaced?

And I have uneasy feelings that these questions will remain unanswered. But then again, I would rather question myself for the rest of my life, than to have the answer that will forever scar me. I give you my best wishes. Know that I’ll never see a swing without seeing you pushing my back, a golf field without seeing us running across it and a pineapple without seeing you suffering from rashes on your face.

So long,
Eve.

Eve plopped down on her knees. She can’t find a word, tears rapidly flowing down her cheeks. Suddenly, the air around her was thin and she felt suffocated.

When she finally calmed down, she picked up the paper and something caught her eyes. There were writings on the back of the paper.

Dearest Eve,

It has been a year after you had left, I was still depressed and decided to talk to my mother. I related to her everything that went between us and it finally downed on me.

You have done nothing wrong to me, my Eve, on the contrary, it was I who wronged you. I failed you and for that, I shall never forgive myself. I was completely lost by my own unhappiness and forgot that you were the one who was directly affected by it. You needed me and I was a fool for not able to see it.

You saw my pretentious happiness as a sign that I was content with you moving when my intentions were merely to cheer you up. I saw your avoidance as a sign that you were looking forward to start your new life at some place when in fact, you were as dejected as I was that we will no longer be together. With us engulfed with such despair, we had neglected things that were vital to all kind of relationships: communication and trust.

As for replacement, I can only assume that you were talking about Odyne, my dear. You are in the wrong. You can’t be replaced, and will never be replaced. She was no more than an insignificant character in my life, way beneath you. You have never left my thought, not even a minute. You preoccupied me and I have not let you go.

These past four years were very dark for me, and from what I heard, it was just as dark for you. I’m truly sorry for what I have caused you. Now that I have found you, I cannot help but hope for a second chance. Know that for each and every of your teardrops that I have caused you, I am more than willing to pay.

Forgive me,
Adam.

p/s: I found your address with the help of my uncle, who was temporarily posted in your school. My apology for I can’t disclose his name. It was considered a breach of etiquette on his part. He had done this for me and the lease I could do for him is to conceal his identity.

Once again, Eve cried a bucket of tears. Why, after all these years, now was the time he chooses to come back? She searched her heart and found that she still loved Adam. How could she not, after all, he was her first to give her such joy and excitement? Even so, Adam was the first to supply her the cause of unbearable pains. What concerned her the most was that how could she hurt the man who had not long ago salvaged her from eternal agony and leave him for a long-lost lover that practically killed her?

It took a great effort of her to think of a conclusion. With her new-found sunshine treating her so compassionately, it really didn’t help a lot. After what seemed a lifetime of pondering, she had at last found a final decision.

She read the letter for the last time. She can barely read it really, as every letters on the paper was disappearing, as if it dissolved in her tears. She burnt it. Surprisingly, as her heart was heavy with sadness, she felt no tears were on their way out. She was resolved to leave all the pain behind and move forward. Her sunshine had worked so hard to revive her and made her was she was that day, and she was not going to throw that away. As thankful as she was to Adam for giving her the first complete taste of love, she was more gratified to her sunshine for being her savior. For her, she was no longer Adam’s Eve. Eve was murdered savagely and her body remains buried under the riverbed, along with her immense love for Adam. This was new Eve, the Eve that had not long prevailed, along with her uncountable amount of love for her sunshine.



To Be Continued

He Who Shall Not Be Named

A/N: Pardon my absence, as this was hardest crap I've ever written. Also, those IRRESISTIBLE Eric/Sookie fan-fictions that kept me away from Blogger were super-duper awesome. Thanks to All Time Low for their songs, they have accompanied me and constantly giving me inspirations while I sat down in front of my laptop, staring blankly looking for words. Here goes.

Beep.

A message startled her. She checked her phone and she, for the first time after locking herself in the vault of misery, genuinely smiled. This man brought the sun out of her dark world. She had done everything in her power not to fall for him. She pushed him away, made fool out of him, played him and yet he still put up with her. She failed, miserably. He seemed to know her weakness and yet, he handled her gently. He was one of those men she dreaded to meet. Though their meeting was not entirely accidental on her side, she did not expect him to be such a gentleman. She could come up with many reasons not to be anyway near him, one of which was that she didn’t know how to accept his ways. Or how to respond to them, for that matter. She had contently resided to being cold and this man awakened her other side, one that she faithfully kept hidden from predators. She was determined to be the predators. She knew that she shouldn’t preserve a soft spot for the likes of him at all, unfortunate for her but fortunate for him, that she did.

She recalled the moment when she had confirmed the fact that she truly fell for him, hard. The night he said he loved her, love, a very strong word in her opinion, was the night when she gave him a challenge. She had told him that their meeting was the result of her losing a bet, and he responded by telling her that he loved her. To her, it was just too good to be true and she was being very paranoid, of course, courtesy of Adam. She wanted to make sure what he just confessed. She wanted him to find another and then see if he could come to her back.

She didn’t know whether to take pride that he did what she had told him to do or to kill him for doing so. It was painful, so painful as though a massive stake pierced to her heart when she heard him. While swallowing the terrible pain, she did not miss a second to contemplate whether he was truly ignorant or that he was not as innocent as he appeared to be. By assessing the damage he had inflicted upon her, worse she thought, he might be an inborn predator, something she dreamt to be. She knew she had to remain calm, but she lost it. Definitely lost it. She had gone berserk on him and he seemed to not know how to react. That was the only reason why she had not broken him yet, which was as well what pulled her back into reality. He did not do it on purpose, he was earnestly just doing what he was told. That was it, not hidden agenda. It strengthened her instinct that he was the kind that she feared.

Now, as to why she had gone ballistic on him if the feeling wasn’t mutual, was her concern. Oh, because she was big on trust. That has got to be it, she said. When she was hanging on the bank of a river full of anguish, the only hands that held her in place was Adam’s. She had hoped Adam would pull her up to the rainbow of joy, but instead, he let go of her hand and watched her drown. That was exactly why she did not want to be deceived again, for the pain was too agonizing to bear.

She put aside the sore memories, and looked up. There was this man, who had discovered her lifeless body that was long buried in the bottom of the river and brought her up to the bank and subsequently revived her. Her knight in shining armor, she thought. Why can’t she forget Adam and move on? He had thoughtfully cleaned the seaweed of hatred that grew on her and successfully revived her, he surely can mend her. Besides, she thought, Adam had embraced his new life even before she was out of his sight, so could she. And that exactly what she did. She gave him, more importantly, herself a shot.

Her evaluation was once again turned out to be accurate. He made her very happy and forgot that she was once severely scarred. They talked, laughed and fought, just like Adam and she used to do, but never once he had hurt her. He turned on every bulb in her heart and made them flickered. Red, blue, white, orange, and red again, but never black. Her heart was slowly returning to its original state, which was beyond colorful. He made her life once more worth living.

Unfortunately, all that has a start must come to their end. So was her recent multicolored condition.


To Be Continued

Happy 26th Independence Day, Brunei.

This is very humiliating. Sure we don’t have pubs or anything like that. What do you expect? Brunei is an Islamic country, a very religious one at that. That’s just how we operate. We believe in MIB which stands for Melayu Islam Beraja, means Malay Islamic Monarchy. Our religion forbids us to consume any alcoholic drinks. Well there are Muslim who drank them, but that’s another story. We are good Muslims, we don’t do suicide bombings, never attack any tourists or foreigners who dwell in Brunei, and we’re completely nonviolent. We just don’t tolerate booze. Why degrade us?

We were born here, we live here for the rest of our lives and hopefully we’ll die here. We do not just respect our ruler, but we love His Majesty to the highest degree. If anything that everybody could ever understand and honour, it is LOYALTY. You certainly do not like other people to insult your mother, right? Well that’s how we felt. An insult to either His Majesty or our country, or both for that matter, is an insult to all of us Bruneians. You do not speak ill of our beloved and expect us to stay put. His Majesty may be a royalty and he’s way above us, but in our heart, he’s like a father, brother and son. You may think it’s perfectly fine to ridicule of your senators or presidents, but not us. It’s just the way we think. Our interpretation of respect may vary but if we can put up with yours, why can’t you try to acknowledge ours?

We’ve never whine (yeah, I considered those protest marches as higher level of whining) not because our mouths had been stuffed with money. We are just thankful. We are truly blessed. Our government provides us with highest standard of protection and education, concisely everything that some countries had overlooked. All those for free. We do not pay taxes, do not have to vote and suffer the consequences, we received good paychecks, even those retired elders are paid. Our lives are secured. All are outcomes of His Majesty’s affections towards us, His people. We really do not care about how His Majesty spends his money. He can buy himself a plane made of pure gold or trim His hair for $50,000 for all we care. It’s His money, for crying out loud! Try putting yourself in His shoes (or much cheaper one if you cannot afford one that exactly like His), tell me how would you like it if somebody else tell you how to spend your hard-earned money? His Majesty does not do charity? Oh, and here I am, constantly annoyed by the endless messages I received, attempting to encourage me to donate to all the national disaster. By all, I mean every single misfortune that needed donations, global or not. Really, which filthy mouth did you hear that from? If His Majesty isn’t the most charitable person I’ve ever met, then I don’t know who is. You know which part that makes it beyond belief? That He did not do it for a vote.

It’s true that Brunei is the most boring country. It’s out-dated and we don’t have many tourist attractions like any other countries. Heck, even the local entertainment industry is crap. However, only US Bruneians can say so. Why is that, you ask? It’s pretty simple. You can say whatever you like to your siblings, but you cannot have other people talk like the way you do to them, right? We’re like that. We know our country well. It’s OUR country and it’s part of us.

Everyone has their own trait, so do we. I know that in some place where you live, it’s highly encouraged that you speak your mind, but do be careful for in the process, you may hurt some people’s feelings. Even if you do not give a rat’s ass about that, you may incite stereotyping. For instance, right now I’m beginning to think that all Caucasians are uncouth – thanks to those who made the group and demean our nation.

23rd of February,
which is today, is Brunei’s Independence Day and I would like to affirm that

I may not progressive,
I may criticize some things,
I may not be a patriotic person that carries national flag wherever I go,

But I love my country, and I devote myself to my Sultan. If ever needed, I’m ready to defend Him, even if it means to face my death.

p/s: oh oh, and to remind all those who want to demean Brunei, please at least get it right. Otherwise, you look like a professional morons, not only to us Bruneians, but also to the rest of the world. Better yet, don't do it. Demeaning other nations for fun is not cool, however, it successfully depicts how shallow you are. And never call our Ruler an ass. Here, one of my favorite Barack Obama (yeah, the only American President I have utmost respect for) quote, exclusively for you, "JACKASS!"

save your bullshit.

You work already?
So.. What are you going to do now?
Why don’t you apply at blah blah blah?
Yadda yadda..

Since you really want to know, I tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna sit, sleep, eat and play my laptop for 24 hours a day for whole week. What are you going to do about it?

Really, what does it have to do with you anyway?

I will ask you these:

Did you sit with me during my exams?
Did I ask for your money?
Did I pester you by sitting idly in my room?

No, no and NO!

You did not do anything and yet, oh here you are, judging me. It’s easy for you to speak, but it’s ME who do all the deeds. It is MY life that I’m fucking with, not yours. It is up to me to mend or fuck with it. If I’m choosing to mend my life, it is me who’s getting ALL the benefits. And if I choose the latter, it is I who fucked up. It really is none of your fucking business. All you do is talk, talk and talk. 10 minutes later, talk. It’s bullshit, I tell you.

For the last time, it is my fucking life and if all you’re gonna do is pep talk, I strongly suggest, don’t bother. I won’t give a damn. I know I’m being stupid but hell, I love every minutes of it and honestly, I can do better without your needless advice, so just save it. I am stupid because I chose to be, but trust me, I AM NOT THAT STUPID.