AZRINAZ MAZHAR TIDAK PERNAH MENJADI PERMAISURI KAMI.

I believe I'm saying this on behalf of thousands and thousands of Bruneian:

AZRINAZ MAZHAR HAKIM TIDAK PERNAH MENJADI PERMAISURI KAMI.

Permaisuri Negara Brunei Darussalam hanya satu, baginda ialah Kebawah DYMM Paduka Seri Raja Isteri Pengiran Anak Saleha.

We Bruneians don't take these titles lightly. Azrinaz Mazhar was merely His Majesty's wife, never a queen. The only one who we regard as a queen is the one who takes care of us. 

I am not that patriotic. But I know I would bleed all my blood, if it means His Majesty would live for a second more. I love him that much. He keeps us safe, he provides, he cares. I feel that somehow I owe him my life. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here writing this post. I would be out there, probably throwing my life away in some bar, drowning in alcohol, or hooked on drugs, or raped and/or killed in a corner of some dark alley. I wouldn't be sleeping on a comfortable bed in an air-conditioned room, in a fairly big house if it weren't for him. I would be in pain if it weren't for his free medical services, and my English won't be as good if he didn't provide a free education system.

So people out there who insults him just for the sake of it, I just want to say, try having your parents insulted. Because that's what we feel. We Bruneians have been taken offense every time 'anyone' insults our Sultan, or our Queen. Each bad word you say about His/Her Majesty is a bad word against thousands of us. They are our leaders, our friends and our protectors in so many ways.

FUDGE YOU HATERS.

I'm not that innocent.

I don't think I'm fit to be a teacher. Seriously.

Once, I told a student that he's not cool because he doesn't play M-rated games, when he owns a PS3. He's underage, and apparently, I thought it was okay to tell him those rates are bullshit.

Then, just the other day.. I told  a student who was annoying me with his constant stupid questions to fuck off.
He criticized my preference for XBOX, fine. I was contemplating on purchasing a PS3 anyway. But when he started spurting goddamn insults on Manchester United, I just snapped. I yelled at him. YELLED. Thank God the old lady wasn't in the vicinity, or I'll be the one who'd be told to literally fuck off. -_-" The stupid student just laughed. He fucking laughed. I was sorely tempted to rip his head off.

Patience is not my strongest suit, but I really shouldn't have said that. Which makes me realize, Mali was right.

How can I lead the kids when I'm just a kid myself? An impatient, hot-headed kid. *sigh

You know what I want to be?

A stripper!

I can dance like nobody's business! When I move, Pussycat Dolls got nothing on me. It'll be a 'You can look but you can't touch' kind of dance. When I finish dancing, even gays would sport a massive wood. Shame, there's no stripper joint here.

Or a writer.

Can I be a writer? Unfortunately, I tend to include in lemon-y, goody-goody stuffs in my writing, Not to mention my choice of language would be English. Being in a Malay, conservative society, it's also a no-no.

Maybe a librarian?

I love books! I can wear glasses, short skirts, tight tops and pumps that scream Fuck Me. Bending on a table, reading a book title. Or leaning on a shelf, trying to reach the book on top. Or sitting on a chair, crossing my legs until the skirts ride up to my thigh, shushing those who make even the faintest sound.. Ehhh definitely a no.

And for the record, I currently have 5 pairs of heels like this. -__-"

Like I said, I'm not a good teacher. When this was published, I was currently looking at - no, actually, sitting right in front of - a certain (VERY hot) male religious teacher, grading his students' papers. And complaining. And throwing playful glances at me every once in a while. He asked me why was I smiling. I couldn't very well say, "I was just imagining the things that hands can do other than holding a pencil. And things that tongue can lick instead of those delicious lips" now, could I? Oh how I love to corrupt him. By the time I'm finish, he won't even remember his name. Thank goodness he doesn't really into internet.

-__-"

P/s: To YOU! I gave you permission to use a name that I'd never want anyone to call me, and yet you call me "nes". YOU don't get to call me that anymore! I'm ignoring you until you realize your mistake. -_-"

And no. I do NOT watch porns. They disgust me. When I ask my guy friends why they watch it, their answers were mainly "for experience". Please tell me you're fucking kidding. Guys who watch porn 'for experience' or 'insights' are idiots. And not good in bed. And possibly, ugly. And desperate. A true gentleman knows his ways around ladies and they get laid without 'experience from porns'. You don't treat your girlfriend or wives the way pornstars treat their colleagues. That is the most demeaning things I've ever heard. Yes you may fantasize, and we might help you abit, but only if it's YOUR fantasies, not some pornstars'. Stupid git.

I'm abused.

aku banci adiku.. banar2. well sometimes aku sayang ia pulang, tapi aku banci ia. ia selalu dapat barang, aku inda. kalau barang atu meant for aku, ia jua ambil. mcm, hard drive lah kiranya. aku bali tu ah, tapi 24/7 arah ia. aku 'minjam', ia marah pastu umban2 barang. pastu mamaku kata, "mengalah tah. kau yg tua." aku mcm wtf. aku jua punya. kali mamaku mcm "sejak bila kamu pandai "aku punya, ia punya" ani? sama2 bah." IA PAKAI 24/7 KALI AH! he's fucking 19! patutnya pandai pikir sudah!

mcm haritu, aku kata aku kan bali hp 5800, skali ia dulu majal mamaku bali. ia iinda keraja so ia pakai duit mamaku lah masih. kali aku gtau aku kan bali pastu ia mcm "eh apakan ikut2 hp urg ani." kima ah. aku kali dulu kan bali. "well, aku bali dulu so cari yg lain ah." kimakimakimakima!

pastu pasal urg lain slalu kata ia nampak mcm abang, aku mcm adik, ia slalu mcm "yatah, usul inda berakal bah tu. manakan urg ucap damit." kima, aku kah ia yg inda berakal?

pastu ah, aku haritu balikan ia speaker yg bulat damit tu. kira sama2 lah, aku ada, ia pun ada. banarnya aku malas pulang kan balikan tapi mamaku cakap "biar sama2." DUITKU AH!! aku okay lah saja, sian jua adiku kan.. kali speakernya rusak. speakerku pinjamnya. aku baik ni, okay, pinjam kajap saja.. DITAPAUNYA.. sudah dibaginya balik, rusak inda bebuunyi. palui. inda jua batah ia makai. baie. pasal ia, aku pun inda bspeaker.

sama jua mcm mouse tu. mousenya ada sudah, tapi kalau kan jalan, minjam mouse ku jua. mamaku ckp apa? "minjamkan tia.. adimu jua tu. jangan bekira sama adik ani. inda bisai." INDA BEKIRA CANA KAN LAGI? sama jua ceritanya. "putus oleh kawanku. inda sengaja." katanya!

tadi ia jalan, ani tidur arah kawannya. kataku, aku kan makai harddrive. dibawanya usb. aku tanya, mana usb. "entah. eh tebawa si jojo kali. masa ia memanyap2 dalam bilik." kali ku kata, "kali aku pakai apa ni?" ia kata, "ada kali usb spare arah drawer ku." sudah ku cuba, rusak ah. nada mau. kali ia kata, "entah, inda tah ku tau tu."

karang bali harddrive baru ah, ia jua makai tu! anu yg panuh gilabaie sama video jackass nya ani, baginya aku ni. yatah pasalnya aku banci jackass ni.

kan ditampar? kalau inda aku yg biru2 olehnya krg, mamaku salahkan aku kalau kami adibradi klaie. "kau yg tua, patutnya kau yg mengalah." apakan tu?!!! kalau inda atu ah, "andangnya tu, anak bungsu andang catu." AH? WHAT THE FUCK?

NAH KAU! SASAK TAH KU TU SUDAH. 

Revelations

Woke up in the morning today, what did I see? I saw a bottle saying come and drink me. So I think I drank it.
OH YEAH~!

Woke up in the morning today, What did I see? I saw some weed saying come and smoke me. So I think I smoked it
OH YEAH~! 

Rolled it up and sucked it!
OH YEAH~!

Woke up in the morning today, what did I see? I saw some coke saying come and sniff me, so I think I sniffed it! Opened up and I whiffed it!
FUCK YEAH~! 

------------

I just realised something (not totally, but a little bit) awful about meself.

I'm hopeless romantic. A fucking sap.

How did I come to realise it? Well, actually I didn't. It was pointed by none other than my Amali (I seriously do not know what to call him. He's not exactly a boyfriend, but he's close) last night.

See, Mali has read all my FF works and he is somewhat my other writer. He not only checks my grammars (not that I needed constant checking), but he's also helping me to better my story lines. Sometimes he gives me his ideas and tell me how to insert it to one plot, and then connect it to another without actually altering the story's universe. He's talented that way.

Anyway, last night, he was being random. I asked him about something personal and out of the blue, he just said
"You're a hopeless romantic, you know that right?"

I, of course denied it with everything I have. But he just proved me wrong.

You know how a writing depicts the writers? Well he used my works as his proofs.

My works usually revolve in these universe. A bad guy meets a girl, while still a bad guy to others, treats the girl differently.

1. A ruthless assassin, fell in love with a brave female commander while helping her in a mission to save the galaxy from annihilation.

2. An ill-mannered slave who usually shoot anyone who so much as irks him, becomes very gentle to his mistress.

3. A bad-ass vampire sheriff who would dismember anyone who talks back at him but patient to a barmaid/part-fairy who defies him everyday.

4. A vampire who cares about nothing but himself (and his progeny) in his thousand years of existence, becomes very possessive towards his human/part-fairy girlfriend.

5. A cruel leader's second in command fell in love with a woman who wants to kill the said leader.

And this one apparently, is so me: A quiet guy who talks to no one loves a girl who talks to everyone.

At the end, I was like,
"Awh fuck me. You're right."
As he always does.

Well, my defense was "I just want to feel special for once." True that. And Mali also stated that he noticed that guys who I've rejected is never a quiet one. They either have thousands female friends, and/or always hang out with their friends. Mali is included in the latter. While he doesn't have many female friends, he's always out somewhere with his friends.

Being a bit anti-social myself, I'm a sucker for introverts.

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The following context contains 18sx words.

Me: Me takut the guy I'm with inda dapat bangunkan 'atu' pasal inda cukup foreplay.. Penting jua BJ tu. :(
Mali: Ugggggggh. If he loves you, he'd have no problem getting 'it' up. Hell I'm almost hard just being around you. Why do you think I didn't want to meet you masa puasa?
Me: love me?
Mali: banar ah. panjang2 mali buat, atu saja yg ia dapat..
Me: THEEEEHEE~!

Not cynical.

You ever have this feeling, like you won't live pass 40?

I have. Something in me said that I will live a short life. I don't know what makes me think as such, but I do. I'm pretty sure my final years would be spent in hospitals, surrounded with machines and medicines. And I'm pretty sure I will be alone when I die too, because fighting some kind of illness years before my final years will leave me no time to date anyone. Or maybe it's because my illness would make me look terrifying.

You know how sucks it is to realise such things? I know, some of the reader will say that I'm just being overly cynical. But this feelings in my gut is strong.

This sucks beyond belief.